~TINTA~

...the bells ring...

2011-12-14T23:56:00.002+08:00

It's now DECEMBER (shouting to the world) haah, it's already 14th. pheewwwww, a lot of things were/are/will (happen) this month. but not for me, for the people around me.. *wink*wink* and they are celebrating...

penuh di wall fb,

(i) went from being single to engaged

(ii) went from being engaged to married

and tak kurang jugek yang (iii) went from single to in the relationship

erk, yang ke iii tu abaikan la ek??

wah, sangat meriah... (^_^)

err, fb saya yang meriah dengan penukaran status tersebut

ting..ting..ting...

LEVEL UP!!

to those people

congrats..congrats...congrats... *claps*

thanks to those who invited me to their wedding receptions and engagement ceremony. but, sadly, i only managed to attend one of those. rest assured, my du'a are always with you guys.

to nora and sharifah ayu (both were my ipba + qut mate), norzanah (a friend at sk tebong) abang yuni (ipba friend) congrats on your engagement - and happy preparing for the big day next year. jangan gaduh2 dengan betrothed ye!

to farah (group mate during 1M1S netball course from sk rantau panjang), nija and andi (qut juniors), kak farhana (geng makan nasi ayam penyet melaka), shamsiah masnan (ex-roommate ipba), rabiatul adawiah a.k.a kak long (qut junior), myra (ipba friend) and ramai lagi i can't recall right now.... wish you and other half a happy and blessed marriage till jannah. jangan lupa ajak i for baby shower nanti.. =P

and to bakal pengantin fyda a.k.a kak ngoh (jiran depan rumah) - may the ceremonies go well and happy living as husband and wife with your ex-enemy till jannah... kihkihkih.. tu la, sape suruh gaduh mase secondary school, kan dah kena kawin

"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)" (An-Nur : 32)

then, mesti ada yang terfikir nak tanya "when is izyan's turn?" kan? kan? kan? (sape tanya angkat tangan!! sape nak jawapan dia angkat tangan!!!)

hahaha i know. semua yang baca ni mesti tanya kan??? cume tak nak angkat tangan je..hehe.. simpan dalam hati. *wink wink*

jawapannye ialah

sila lah tanya encik izaman dan puan hasiah, bila mereka nak 'level- up' kan saya? hehe, sesungguhnye saya memang TIADA jawapan. =P

okay, that's all.. till i write again....=)

...happy belated 24th birthday.....

2011-12-13T15:22:00.002+08:00

to me.............................................

Hahaha I'm bored.

Can I dedicate this boring moment to post an entry about my birthday celebration this year (which was a month and 10 days ago)? hehehe

well, this year, my birthday date fell on the same date with Eidul Adh celebration. I can say it was special (^_^). of course la special, bukan selalu satu dunia boleh celebrate sama2 ngan i (ayat lame manusia2 yang perasan dan kurang popularity) =P

my 24th (ahhhh, dah tua!!) birthday celebrations were awesome. oh, sila take note ade penggunaan plural di situ ye.. yes, this year i got 3 celebrations and so many presents. waa, terharu sangat2.

the first was during SPBT course at Goldcourse Hotel, Klang. for those who don't know what is SPBT, it's the acronym for Skim Pinjaman Buku Teks. I had to attend the course since i'm the teacher in charge for textbooks in school. they sang the song and gave a wall clock as present and it's white in colour.. double happy yeayyyy. =)

(no pictures to be uploaded)

(sila gunakan imaginasi sendiri untuk menggambarkan suasana kursus dan sambutan tersebut.)

(pesanan penaja)

the second one was with yours truly, someone special. i didn't know the outing was actually to celebrate my birthday since it was on the 3rd of november. i was surprised when the present was presented and triple happy, i got something i have ever wanted and planning to buy... yeayyyyyy, happy lagi. thanks to you, mr. you-know-who.. (^_^)

tadaaaa, ni hadiahnye.. baru berkira-kira nak beli jam baru. seb baik dah ada yang belikan..

save duit i.. hehe

and jangan tanya mana gambar event nye.. sebab sekeping pun xamik mse outing tuh..
=(

and the third one was of course with the loved ones; my family and also Kak Ti, my ex-english teacher with her husband, Steve. it was on the night of eid. my mum gave me money to pay for a portion of lembu for qurban as the present.. heyyy, happy lagi. alhamdulillah. and yes, a cake even though without my name on it.. hehe... plenty of food? of course.. you want it, you name it.. tapi kena name nasi dagang, fruit cocktail, and pasta bake je lahh.. hihihi

okay, this time banyak gambar. tengok lah puas- puas.. =)

the food yang kononnye plenty

the cake

the 'eaters'..

eh ayah jih mane?? dia yang makan banyak..

okay, here he is with tok ma and abah =)

we all je yang ade kat rumah.. apek and iroh non ado..

pics taken before sembelih lembu

pic taken before lembu disembelih, dimasak dan dimakan. dah arwah lembu ni..

what's there to be regretted to be izyan hamizah md izaman? Ya Allah, indeed, i'm grateful and thankful for what you have borrowed to me in this world. You are The Greatest, btw (^_^)

"So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?" (surah ar-rahman)

oh, sure ke i'm 24 this year ni?? i feel young... young at heart.. hehe.. well, many thanks to those who wished me and prayed for me on my birthday. i was so shocked when i logged in the fb and got nearly two hundred wishes waiting to be read. once again, i'm blessed with so many friends in life. alhamdulillah =)

fuh, lega boleh siapkan post ni..

(sambil lap-lap peluh)

till we meet again.. bye (^_^)

...the result is finally here...

2011-12-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

alhamdulillah... checked the SPP website just now and it appeared,

DIPERAKUKAN LANTIKAN TETAP

alhamdulillah, one burden released..

all praise to Allah

and many thanks to those who have prayed for me

~~~ big relief ~~~

...dikir barat...

2011-12-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

dikir barat yang berunsurkan nasihat.. cool eyhh

by : Jeming Intan Berlian

Dr. Mental

...spot the mistakes...

2011-12-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

sape la yang reka ayat2 tu ek? obvious kot...buat malu je =P

...Holiday is here...

2011-12-04T09:16:00.000+08:00

what's up readers? have you been good? aaaahhhh, it feels good to come back to this blog and start writing again. honestly i miss writing and i guess, my written english is rotten now, so please excuse my mistakes =P . haven't used it for ages (tet.... exxagerate. your lastest update is just the end of october u know...)

well, i have lots of things to write and share in mind but.. but... okay, i won't give any excuses anymore, except i just dont have time to sit in front of the laptop and start typing plus this netbook, the current one i'm using, losts its' charger (psssttt now i got the replacement already!) - pergghhh, dah tergive excuses la plak..

okay, let's put the fullstop for the excuses, and now, guess what, i am online using WIFI at De Rhu Beach Resort, Kuantan, Pahang.. Waaaa, excited.. how on earth i muncul kat sini?? oh, we are visiting iroh who is currently undergoing her practical here. what a breathtaking view we have here! far from my home and far from the worries of rumah naik air banjir.. hehe.

this morning i woke up (very) early with a hope to watch sunrise, but sadly, the sun didn't rise. errrkkk, kiamat weh kalau tak rise.. no no no, i mean, it's mendung since there was a short shower last night so, the sun couldn't be seen clearly because of the clouds. huarrrggghhh, i wish i could continue sleeping. hehehe..

but, what we (abah, iroh and i) did was main kejar2 dengan ketam, hehe. i think the crab is thinner and muscular by now. tiring but worth it. we (errrr, abah sorang je kot) managed to snap beatiful pictures of it and the view. even though it is just a short vacation, but i am enjoying every minute of it. being a daughter who lives far from the parents, special moments like this should be treasured, right?

i wish to put some pictures here, but i only have one in my phone. the others are yet to be transfered. inshaAllah will put up the others soon.

orait, got to go. am thinking of continue sleeping. sempat lagi ke tak ek before check out at 12. emmm...

...it's okay if you are not perfect...

2011-10-27T14:31:00.001+08:00

i stumbled upon this when i was fb-ing last night. at that moment, this is something that i really want to tell him, exactly what was written by this friend of mine. it's just, she wrote this in kind, honest and beautiful manner in which i don't have the ability to do so...

for my (future) other half, this is exactly for you...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

To my future husband (whoever you maybe),

Assalammualaikum w.b.t.

I just wanted you to know that I'm okay with you not being perfect.

I will learn to accept your flaws. I might not react calm and collected all the time..
But I assure you deep down and in time I'll be okay with it.

The truth is..I don't think I can afford you being perfect and all that I ever wished for.. as the verse goes

2:216 -...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows of that which we don't.

Most importantly, Im scared that if youre flawless,my heart would be all yours,
that I would come to love you more than myself..
that I would love you more than I love Him.
that I would think about you all the time to the extend of forgetting Him.
that my whole life would revolve around you..instead of Him.

So my other half..

With that being said, indirectly speaking, I also wish that you would come to understand, why I'll never be perfect, and then the reason why He created me to have all this flaw, and to err from time to time.
So that from all the hurt and heartache I might cause you.. through it all..
you will find it in your heart to love Him..more than you love me.
That you would devote yourself to Him..and not me..for I'm just one of His creations..

I have to be imperfect..so you that you can put Him..above it all.

However,

It doesnt mean that I want you to put up with my imperfections,
Teguran is always welcome..but please..I'd appreciate it if you'd do it in the utmost gentle way..
with hikmah. The way our beloved Prophet would, to his wives.. After all, he is the best example there is..right?
And I promise you, I would try my best..everyday to become a better person,
to live by what is required by our Deen.

And from you, my dear..if its not too much, I would like to ask you ..to do the same..
A similar promise..that you would try your best each day..to become a better caliph in this life..for Him..
and Only Him.

Therefore my future husband...

its okay if you're not perfect..Cause I need you to be as you are.

And if I never had the chance to meet you in this lifetime...Its alright,

because He already knows that I would probably give you all of my heart,
leaving none for Him.

After All..He is Al-'Alim..The All Knowing ;-)

And its okay..cause life is too short anyway.
It's not a place to spend forever with your loved ones.

" And what is life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion "(3:185)

Wallahu'alam.

credit to ilani muis..

so, whoever you may be, whenever you read this (either after our akad or before) i truly want you to know this..

that it's okay if you are not being perfect...~~~~

....kuala linggi, malacca...

2011-10-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

oh no.. 2 days ago were full of pain because i didn't have my car with me... 2 days at home without driving, drove me nuts.. hehehe.. see, how important a car to me! it's very very important. so, once i got my car back, guess what i did ..............

drove all the way from Tebong to Kuala Linggi to watch sunset and beaches... hehe..

since it was raining and cloudy, i didn't get to see the sunset. but, i had the opportunity to walk around the places... what a day!!

penat ah membebel, let pictures do the talking..

pictures taken at Kuala Linggi, Malacca (gune camera phone cikai je)

every time i came to places like this, i'm thankful to Allah for still giving me chance to live in this world and repent.

and somehow, deep inside my heart, i hope i'll be given the time to come to places like this with my other half and together we'll count our blessings.

and somehow this song stuck in my head.. haish...

"when you walk away,

i count the steps that you take,

do you see how much i need you right now?

when you're gone,

the words i need to hear to always get me through

the day and make it okay

i miss you "

kacau daun... =(

...ironically, this is happening...

2011-10-26T11:53:00.000+08:00

" Isn't it ironic? We ignore who adores us, adore who ignores us, love who hates us, and hate who loves us. "

it's hard to please our heart let alone others..

.......

2011-10-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

...copy pasted...

2011-10-20T11:05:00.001+08:00

CUKUPLAH AKU MENCINTAI DALAM DIAM ♥

Kalau kita sukakan seseorang,
jangan beritahu si dia.
Nanti Allah kurangkan rasa cinta padanya
Tapi luahkan pada Allah,
beritahulah Allah.
Allah Maha mengetahui siapa jodoh kita ..

Cintai Dia Dalam Diam,
Dari Kejauhan Dengan Kesederhanaan & Keikhlasan

Jika benar cinta itu kerana ALLAH maka biarkanlah ia mengalir mengikut aliran ALLAH kerana hakikatnya ia berhulu dari ALLAH maka ia pun berhilir hanya kepada ALLAH
"Dan segala sesuatu Kami ciptakan berpasang-pasangan supaya kamu mengingat kebesaran ALLAH."
(Adz Dzariyat : 49)

Tetapi jika kelemahan masih nyata dipelupuk mata maka bersabarlah, berdoalah & berpuasalah
"Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah satu perbuatan yang keji.
Dan suatu jalan yang buruk."
(Al Israa' : 32 )

Ketika kau mendambakan sebuah cinta sejati yang tak kunjung datang,
Allah SWT mempunyai Cinta dan Kasih yang lebih besar dari segalanya & Dia telah menciptakan sseorang yang akan menjadi pasangan hidupmu kelak.
Ketika kau merasa bahawa kau mencintai seseorang,
namun kau tahu cintamu tak terbalas
Allah SWT tahu apa yang ada di depanmu & Dia sedang mempersiapkan segala yang terbaik untukmu

Cukup cintai dalam diam
bukan kerana membenci hadirnya
tetapi menjaga kesuciannya
bukan kerana menghindari dunia
tetapi meraih syurga-NYA
bukan kerana lemah untuk menghadapinya
tetapi menguatkan jiwa dari godaan syaitan yang begitu halus & menyelusup

Cukup cintai dari kejauhan
kerana hadirmu tiada kan mampu menjauhkan dari ujian
kerana hadirmu hanya akan menggoyahkan iman dan ketenangan
kerana mungkin membawa kelalaian hati-hati yang terjaga

Cukup cintai dengan kesederhanaan
Memupuknya hanya akan menambah penderitaan
menumbuhkan harapan hanya akan membumbui kebahagiaan para syaitan

Cintailah dengan keikhlasan
Kerana tentu kisah Fatimah dan Ali Bin Abi Talib diingini oleh hati
tetapi sanggupkah jika semua berakhir seperti sejarah cinta Salman Al Farisi..??
".. boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu.
ALLAH mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
(Al Baqarah : 216 )

Jangan memberi harapan pada yang belum pasti,
kelak ada insan yang bakal dilukai,
Jangan menaruh harapan pada yang belum tentu dimiliki,
nanti hati yang kecewa sendiri.
Sebaliknya,
gantunglah segenap pengharapanmu kepada Yang Maha Memberi,
nescaya dirimu tak sesekali dizalimi,
kerana Dia mendengar pengharapanmu setiap kali & Dia menunaikannya dgn cara-Nya yang tersendiri

Cukup cintai dalam diam dari kejauhan dengan kesederhaan & keikhlasan
Kerana tiada yang tahu rencana Tuhan
mungkin saja rasa ini ujian yang akan melapuk atau membeku dengan perlahan

Kerana hati ini begitu mudah untuk dibolak-balikkan
serahkan rasa itu pada Yang Memberi dan Memilikinya
biarkan DIA yang mengatur semuanya hingga keindahan itu datang pada waktunya
"Barangsiapa yang menjaga kehormatan orang lain, pasti kehormatan dirinya akan terjaga."
(Umar Bin Khattab ra)

If you really love her, you won’t touch her.
Not even the slightest bit.
You’ll protect her dignity and sacredness as a muslimah.
Just hold her in your heart for a few more years ..
then you can do it the halal way

“Sesiapa sahaja yang memberi kerana Allah, menolak kerana Allah, mencintai kerana Allah,membenci kerana Allah & menikah kerana Allah, maka bererti ia telah sempurna imannya.”
(HR. Al-Hakim)

...moving forward...

2011-10-20T10:00:00.002+08:00

.......................

2011-10-20T09:57:00.000+08:00

i'm letting everything go.... even though it's hard and painful, this is the best solution. so true, not everything has happy ending. may Allah give me strength...

...pain...

2011-10-20T09:54:00.000+08:00

somehow it's painful to keep what you feel inside and not to let it go. but it's more painful when you try to let it go to the wrong person. definitely you have your Master to listen to everything you go through. in fact, He knows better than you. why don't you tell Him what you feel and ask Him for solutions? because He knows exactly what you should do to overcome your problems.

...can't sleep...

2011-10-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

I may look fine but deep inside i'm torn to pieces

oo Allah, please soothe my heart.. and please help me to let go this burden

...updates minggu ini..

2011-10-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

Life is better than last 2 weeks. alhamdulillah, finally everything turns out fine. but, still few big things will be happening for next few weeks.

the earliest will be the Educational Trip to Bukit Merah Lake Town and Cameron Highlands (if you want to make it educational, but it's more to fun time.. hehe.. agak- agak la, kalu dah g main air kat bukit merah tu, educational ke??? hmmmm, in doubt!) and the trip is tomorrow!!! honestly, i'm freaking out. this is the first trip i have ever organized. don't know what to expect, but i have and will try my best to make it a success (and hopefully, no one will do stupid magic in the bus =P ) this week would be a hectic (yet enjoyable week, i pray!) 7 days straight bekerja...

right after the trip, kids will be having final year examination (big relief for teachers sebab tak payah buat lesson plans) but sadly, not a relief for me as i will have my SPP interview (finally a yeay!!!!) ahoy, it's not in Malacca, but it's in Johor.. how on earth i kena hantar interview kat sana pun i have no idea... so, i'm going there alone on tuesday. and the interview is on wednesday.. so, now is the time for me to read read and read..

i guess that's all for now. got to go.. kan dah kena baca banyak benda.. xboleh nak hang out lama- lama kat blog.. hehe.. please pray for me. i hope the interview goes well and i'll pass (itu yang paling penting)

...fruit salad day...

2011-10-08T17:24:00.001+08:00

sebab post pasal budak tu appear in front of my eyes every time i click on this blog, so, i have to update as soon as possible so that it don't have to repeatedly remind me of the incident.

i love cooking a.k.a preparing food and i enjoy cooking if and only if i have mood to do so or i HAVE TO cook (like there's no one to cook for me, and i'm alone).. but usually i prefer the first reason. same goes for today, my family from kelantan was here to send apek off to UK and they never tasted my fruit salad, so i made some ( eh some ke??? i buat dua bowls besar). i forced my family to stay awhile and i shot to alamanda to buy the ingredients. the more the merrier, we had ayah man and ayah jik' s family with us. =)

so, i'm more than eager to make them eat my food. by the way, this is the first fruit salad recipe i have learnt ever. it was during my study in Brisbane and we usually had this dish during our gatherings (owww, miss my fellow brisbanians) i also prepared this at SK Tebong..

i couldn't remember who taught me this and where she got the recipe but i hope she allows me to share the recipe here. so, if you want something light and the most importantly EASY (ape-ape yang easy memang i suke) and yummy, you can consider to prepare this for your loved ones (even for your colleagues during potluck)

ingredients

sour cream or fresh/natural yogurt (any brands sure do - but make sure it's halal)

canned fruit cocktail (any canned fruits that you like - i like peaches, pineapples and lychees) make sure to check halal label

sweetened creamer

that all ...... hehehe

how to do it???

1, buka tin (duuhhhhhh....)

2. mix all the fruits into a bowl. (pastikan you put the water away.. maksudnya, tos kan air tu... we just need the fruits not the juice.)

3. put in the sour cream or yogurt into the bowl and mix them. make sure the fruits are coated with the cream

4. then, put some sweetened creamer (secukup rasa, kalau nak manis, letak banyak, kalau nak masam, letak sikit.. but i prefer to make it less sweet)

5. lagi sedap kalau letak dalam peti untuk sejukkan dia..

6. lepas tu boleh makan... =)

senang kan?? memang sangat senang, even i yang malas ni pun larat nak buat.. hehe

siapa yang rasa nak try tu, by all means la...

nak letak gambar tapi internet ni slow la... nanti lah later- later ek?? hehe

inilah kisah saya menyediakan makanan. in my daily life now, i hardly prepare the food because my housemates are wonderful cooks, their cooking are super duper delicious and they love to pamper me with food, so don't expect me to cook much these days. hehehe.. but i may say, i enjoy cooking especially when i want to please loved ones. back in brisbane, i would bake cakes, and cooked ayam percik when we had gatherings. it was okay to not have enough nap/ sleep when i had to cook for them because i love them (chewaahh, pengumuman jujur). i used to bake cupcakes during a junior's birthday and rasanya that was the first and last time so far.. hihi.. xde masa nak buat dah sekarang, ohh, how i long to bake cakes!!

kelakar kan cerita-cerita pasal masak memasak ni, al-maklum la sekarang i hardly cook. bukan malas tapi again, the situation doesn't force me to cook. hehe..

enough enough... got to go.. toodles...

...thanks Saqir for making me cry..

2011-10-05T19:05:00.000+08:00

hari ini dalam sejarah, teacher izyan menangis di sekolah. sila beri tepukan kepada saqiruddin tahun 2 kerana berjaya buat i menangis. perggh, tak pernah aku menangis sebab budak sekolah, kali ni kau memang hebat la sebab berjaya membuat aku menangis dan merayu- rayu dengan GPK 1 untuk tak mengajar lagi kelas darjah 2 ni.

dari awal tahun mengajar lagi memang i dah bersabar dengan budak- budak darjah 2 ni. memang out of control. budaknya 12 orang je tapi seriously macam mengajar 120 orang.. ya Allah, dengan bisingnya, dengan tak bawak bukunya, dengan tak siap kerjanya,TAK DENGAR KATANYA, dengan dengan berlarinya. erm yang berlarinya si sudin, the one and only orang asli pemulihan dalam kelas. dia memang off-task masa BM jadi, masa BI memang berlari- larian mengusik kawan- kawan nya... =( nanges aku..

orang kata budak- budak off- task sebab cikgu mengajar tak best, tapi agak- agaknya, kalau aku mengajar bahasa inggeris, translate 1000000% bahasa melayu, guna computer, slide comel-comel, dalam kelas bawak bbm warna-warni, tak best ke?? agaknya aku ni syok sendiri..

dari mengajar diorang 8 masa seminggu, kena tambah lagi 3 masa untuk sains.. arghh, agak-agak la 11 masa jumpa diorang setiap minggu, hectic x?.. memang sangat3 hectic, nak muntah.. sejak dari pertengahan hari tu, memang aku agak stress la bila kena masuk kelas dan jumpa budak- budak yang sama dengan perangai yang sama.. tak berubah langsung.. dah macam- macam cara buat. dulu masuk kelas, aku senyum and happy2, tapi sejak perangai diorang menjadi- jadi, memang dah jadi macam mak tiri. masuk kelas je, pegang rotan. dah pegang rotan tu, sure la 2,3 orang kena tibai. muka memang maintain mak singa. xdok dah senyum- senyum ni, except for those yang siapkan kerja. erghh, memang sangat stress, sebab setiap kali kelas kena maintain macam tu, kalau tak, keadaan kelas memang lagi out of hands.. garang2 pun tak terkawal, kalau senyum2 memang bengang la bila keluar kelas tu.. nak main reverse psychology? dah puluh2 kali main dah, diorang blur. dah penah buat senyap tak bercakap dengan diorang dengan pandangan tajam, boleh lagi dok gelak-gelak main lari-lari cuit kawan... berasap tak telinga.???? =* dah cuba cakap perlahan-lahan, memang boleh lagi dia g sharpen pencil dekat bawah meja.. hari hari nak ngajar, memang kena jerit, kalau tak, haram nak dengar ape aku cakap... sampai cikgu-cikgu kat sekolah tu dah faham, kalau teacher izyan mengajar terjeit-jerit tu, memang dok dalam kelas darjah 2 la tu.

stress tau pergi sekolah bila kena jadi someone that you don't want to be. i admit, budak2 year 1 and 4 pun nakal jugak, tapi bila nasihat sekali, they behave.. tapi ini budak2, 100 kali kau jerit sampai keluar anak tekak pun diorang boleh gelak, apetah lagi jika kau diam, lagi la bermaharajalela... i'm not someone who's easily get angry, who like to shout at people, who say foul words, but they force me to do so. they force me to use physical contact. so, memang demotivated sangat bila bangun pagi and tengok jadual kena masuk kelas diorang.. erghhhh...

tapi serious, semua tu aku telan sorang je. cerita jugak kat cikgu2 sekolah tu. diorang pun ada bagi nasihat, dan nasihat tu memang aku ikut la i.e kena buat tegas, jangan main-main sangat dengan diorang, but still the result was still the same.. ergghhhhh...

selama ni memang bersabar habis la. apa diorang buat, i kept on telling myself that they are just kids, be patient and hold on until the end of this year... tapi seriously, incident pagi tadi buat aku totally give up.. give up habis-habisan..

rasa bengang/mengamuk tak, bila kena jaga kelas tu, dah siap-siap bagi kerja, tiba-tiba ada budak pergi buat silap mata TELAN DUIT SYILING 20 SEN depan kawan-kawan dia ????? kemudian, duit tu terlekat kat tekak???? lepas tu budak separuh nafas tu datang mintak izin dengan kau nak pergi tandas dengan mata merah dan berair, sambil pegang tekak dengan dua2 tangan???? aku rasa nak lempang, tapi nasib baik cepat beristighfar.... cemas tu ada jugak, tapi agaknya balasan la dekat si budak tu, sebab hari ni dia memang buat perangai sehabis-habis nye sampai aku terasa hati. boleh tak masa beratur nak masuk library, dia boleh pegi makan aiskrim, pastu lari- lari depan aku, when i was standing in front of him?? kalau ikut syaitan, nak aja cakap padan muka kau! tapi tak elok la perangai cikgu macam tu. so aku g start enjin kereta hantar dia pergi klinik.. call mak dia, inform anak dia tercekik syiling.... then balik sekolah, memang tak tahan perasaan dah, terus nangis teresak- esak depan ustaz, ustazah n teacher kat dalam bilik guru. memang tak tertanggung dah burden yang ada dalam hati ni. dah lega sikit, g sambung nangis depan GPK HEM and GPK 1 nak minta tukar ngajar kelas lain... rasa dah tawar hati dengan budak- budak ni...

itu lah ceritanya hari ni.. thanks la to saqiruddin + budak-budak 2 Bijak sebab buat teacher menangis dengan perangai kamu... kereta teacher masuk longkang, teacher leh gelak lagi. teacher jeles dengan orang teacher sayang, teacher leh tahan lagi. teacher kena saman, teacher leh relaks lagi, tapi sebab korang, teacher menangis, stress, and feel challenged. thanks for making me a human being...

...quote #1...

2011-10-04T21:09:00.001+08:00

It hurts to love someone when we can’t tell them what we really feel because sometimes we get hurt without them knowing. We

get jealous even if we have no right to feel that way. We want their time even if we are not in the position to

demand for it.

Although our hearts are breaking in silence, we still continue to love them because somehow in this hurtful love

there is still

hope of having simple moments with them even if it means being just a friend.

(Wisdom Quotes)

...peaceful moment...

2011-10-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

another sunset moment.. tapi this time, xjumpa sun pun sebab dilindung oleh awan...

but, sangat peaceful..

thanks Allah for this blessing.. =)

...very very random...

2011-10-02T07:45:00.000+08:00

A strong girl keeps her stuff in line and with tears running down her face, she still manages to whisper the simple words " I am fine "

ye ke?

lame lah..

sekarang ni girls are blunt and just speak their mind.

asyik girl je, macam la guys xde perasaan macam tu.. eleh... =P

...sunset...

2011-09-30T09:18:00.001+08:00

Among the best thing i have ever done in this life so far is watching sunset.. the moment is so subhanallah magical.. all praises to Him who owns everything in this world.

below are few pictures i captured using my galaxy s 2. not as good as professional photographers, but i'm satisfied. (agak-agak la nak bandingkan diri yg gne camera handphone 8mp dengan org guna gadget ribu-riban..dah la dengan skillnye xde.. haha)

taken on 28/9/2011

at Pantai Angkat Sungai Tuang, Pengkalan Balak, Masjid Tanah, Malacca

around 7.00 - 7.10 pm

...menunggu...

2011-09-30T08:53:00.001+08:00

28/9/2011 (Wednesday) - Sunset at Pantai Angkat Sungai Tuang

Menunggu sesuatu yang sangat menyebalkan bagiku
saat ku harus bersabar dan trus bersabar
menantikan kehadiran dirimu
entah sampai kapan aku harus menunggu
sesuatu yang sangat sulit tuk kujalani
hidup dalam kesendirian sepi tanpamu
kadang kuberpikir cari penggantimu
saat kau 'jauh' disana

...restless...

2011-09-19T10:59:00.000+08:00

Today is Monday and i don't think i have Monday blues, because i woke up this morning with smiles and laughs. thanks to my housemates for making my bright morning. and yet, as the clock ticked 10, i was (am) restless.

i have problems with my pengesahan lantikan because SPP hasn't called me for the interview and what makes me more restless is, i think i'm the only one left. =(

i did call SPP in July but they said they had no problems with my application and what i need was to wait patiently for my turn. since i'm too patient, i have to wait until now.. should i wait for another 3 years? *bengang* if i were to know they work so slow, i would bug them with 100 of calls everyday so they would process my application asap.

so, i called them again and again and again this morning and hey, i couldn't get through. that makes me more more more restless.

lagi menambah perisa kebengangan pada hari ini is perangai budak year 2.. subhanallah, banyak pahala kalau bersabar, tapi dah tak reti nak sabar macam mana lagi dah... dengan tak bawak buku nya, dengan tak siap keje sekolah nye, dengan bising nya, kalau senaraikan semua misbehaviour diorang buat memang ini akan jadi sejarah blog post terpanjang la. rasanya i have tried few methods to keep them on task and do desired behavior, tapi hampeh la jugak adanya.. nak kata teacher dia ni baik sangat, xde la baik pun, kadang2 terjerit2 jugak, but still, xmakan saman. what to do? haish..

gtg, gonna continue calling SPP...

...Laily's wedding reception...

2011-09-10T22:46:00.001+08:00

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU

NURHIDAYATULLAILY (LAILY) DAN RASUL

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE LIFE AND

MAY YOU BE THE COMPANION TO EACH OTHER IN HEAVEN

solemnization : 9.9.2011

reception : 10.9.2011

Laily and I have been together since we were in Standard 3, so it's a long friendship indeed. until now, i'm so grateful i have her as one of my best friends. even though we are apart, the bond is still as warm as 14 years ago. i'm happy she has found her soul mate.

sweety Rania and Mummy

Elah, Laily, Eqah and Izyan

so, for her wedding, elah and me drove all the way from Malacca to Kuala Krai just to attend her wedding (and a few family matters that have to be settled) and all praises to Allah, everything went well. we got to meet iqah and her little girl, Rania. she's such a cutie (^_^) the wedding moments were unforgettable since four of us got to reunite after 3/4 years not doing so.

what a great day today and i'll never regret the decision of spending my short weekend and having long journeys back to hometown.

thank you Allah for making this happen. I love You more and more <3 <3 <3

...i...

2011-09-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

i always wish people around me would understand me

but,

the drawback is me

because,

i'm the one who is secretive and do not know how to open everything up.

wish i would have the key to unlock 'treasures' in me

...syukur...

2011-09-06T22:22:00.004+08:00

let's us just focus on the lyric

one nation emcee - syukur

Ku bersyukur kepadaMu

Hanya dikau yang satu

Memberiku cahaya hidupku

Maha Esa

Gelap tanpa kasihMu

Perjalananku buntu

Ampuni segala dosa-dosaku

Aku terpaku melihat kebesaranMu

Aku bersyukur segala rezeki untukku

Dan juga bila kau dalam fikiranku

Aku tunduk membisu

Terus sujud padaMu

Mari kita renungi segala apa terjadi

Mana perginya cinta

Mana hilangnya setia

Aku akan terus cekalkan hati ini

Dari terbit sehingga terbenamnya mentari

Duni sementara kan dihitung juga

Sebelum terlambat tunaikan kewajipan kita

Tak guna airmata menitik bila tiba masa

Syurga atau neraka itulah jawapannya

Aku lelaki lengkap dengan anggota

Berfikir setiap masa fikir tentang keluarga

Lindungilah aku dari fitnah dan noda

Kau tempatku meminta

Kau beri ku bahagia

Chorus

Ku bersyukur kepadaMu Hanya dikau yang satu Memberiku cahaya hidupku Maha Esa Gelap tanpa kasihMu Perjalananku buntu Ampuni segala dosa-dosaku

Ku hirup secukup udara

Hatiku buka termenung

Melihat jalan gelap lagi mendung

Kadangkala ku bertanya

Ke mana cahaya

Mana nak ku cari sedikit kudrat dan keramat

Yang penuh rahmat

Berjuta-juta kali dunia mempermainkanku

Hati menurut nafsu

Nafsu menipu aku

Tapi ku bersyukur pada yang maha Esa

Dapatlah pena menari meluah kata-kata

Ku meredhai apa yang telah terjadi

Tunjukkanlah jalan benar ampunilah dosaku

Ulang Chorus

Aku tafakur di hadapanmu

Berderai-derai airmataku gugur

Tidak tertanggung

Peperangan emosi ini takkan terhenti

Selagi dosa lama masih aku bebani

Moga aku disirami salju kasih Illahi

Semoga malamku tak bertemankan mimpi ngeri

Berikanku secebis kekuatan kebahagiaan

Hati ini moga engkau terangkan

Ulang Chorus

Oh Tuhan yang satu

Ku serahkan diriku

Hanya kepadaMu

Hanya mampu berserah kepadaMu

Ampuni segala dosa dosaku

...wavering...

2011-09-06T16:27:00.001+08:00

every time my heart wavers towards you, it'll suddenly go the other way round.

does it mean you are not my destiny?

Allah, i wish i could end this pain in no time.

i'm damn tired of pushing and pulling the string

=(

=(

=(

...random feeling...

2011-09-03T01:29:00.000+08:00

dear ~TINTA~,

i think i miss my old self. ermm, not i think, i am confident i miss my old self. how come can i change in just a jiffy ! i wish to turn back time and choose back the path i have left nearly 9 months ago. hmmm... it's not good to yearn over things that can't be done, right? just live your life and ask Allah for the right path ahead.

but still ~TINTA~, i miss the old izyan..

should i change?

hmmmmmm...

-------------------------------------------------

since this is random post, let's talk about other things..

hmmm, i'm so lazy to go back to Tebong. (read, tebong only not malacca). so instead of going back tomorrow, i'll postpone it to Sunday.. it's my mum's request by the way. so, what to do? i have to abide, right?

-----------------------------------------------

ahhh, i feel so random tonight. i think lots of things, since last 2,3 months, my mind never rests from thinking the future. this is because of the choices i have to make. erggh, seriously, i hate choices. but, life is all about making choices. oh, i'm confused. i wish i could see the future( hehe, unrealistic wish sungguh).

-------------------------------------------------------------

blurrr...

------------------------------------------------------------

ah, this is so random

...an advice...

2011-09-02T23:59:00.002+08:00

" Wanita yang kurang cantik tetapi berakhlak mulia, taat suaminya,sentiasa mencari keredhaan-Nya, ibarat bunga cempaka.Tiada rupa tetapi harumnya memikat jiwa.."

wishing (hoping and putting efforts) i'm one of those chosen bidadari syurga..

p/s: thanks dik for the advice (^_^)

...good guys...

2011-09-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

lelaki yang baik,

takkan pernah berani menyentuh kamu

dia akan sangat takut melakukan itu

bahkan,

lelaki yang lebih baik

adalah lelaki yang tidak pernah berani menyentuh hati kamu

sebelum masanya

sebelum dia sedia

sebelum dia punya matlamat yang jelas

sebelum dia punya niat untuk mengikat dengan akad..

do i deserve this type of guy? ~~ermm, o Allah, show me the way~~

:: Satu Rindu ::

2011-09-01T00:24:00.001+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

rindu sangat sampai tak leh nk ucap ngan kata2.

semoga dia sentiasa dalam perhatian Allah

hingga Allah sampaikanku padanya dan dia padaku

...kisah 1 syawal...

2011-08-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

syawal kali ni berbeza (eh, mestilah different kan? ade ke tiap2 tahun rutin sama? hehe)

in point form

- this year i cooked western food and eastern food. nasi hujan panas, spagetti bolognese and spiral cheese bake. sebabnya, tahun ni tak de satay. dan lama tak masak beriya for raya. but i'm happy and contented since they enjoyed my cooking. hehe. jadi kesannya, sampai pukul 11 pagi, pakaian masih lagi t-shirt and seluar not baju kurung.

- one of my neighbours passed away. Al-fatihah for him.

- someone closed to me is getting the divorce. after few months of marriage =(

- because i'm getting thinner, some of the people i met suggested to get married as soon as possible (ape kaitan kurus ngan kawin cepat ek? )

erm apa lagi yang menarik ek?

- haaa, yes, tahun ni first time bagi duit raya kat budak2. comelnye perasaan ni.. hehe

- open house untuk tiga hari berturut- turut. so, sape2 yang rasa nk datang beraya, do come by.

that's all peeps. my body needs extra nap. haha

toodles.

...home...

2011-08-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

it's good to be home

we have another 2 days of Ramadhan

will be missing you, Ramadhan

Eid Mubarak

عيد مبارك

Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum wa kullu ‘aamin wa antum bikhayr (May Allah accept it from us and you and may you be well every year). Ameen

...Life is the sum of all your choices...

2011-08-20T01:11:00.001+08:00

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

p/s:
of all the things happening, you are still on my mind.
and
how i wish i could say 'yes' that easily.

...love abundance...

2011-08-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

i'm indeed blessed with all the loves i received from people around me now and then,

so it's time to learn how to appreciate them.

and Allah, thank you for all the loves you bestow over me.

mode: very very very grateful (^_^)

pic courtesy

..Kids being kids...

2011-08-10T18:39:00.001+08:00

Last month

"teacher cantik

teacher cantik setiap hari teacher cantik I love u"

year 2 girl gave it to me

___________________________________________

Last week

"untuk Izyan hamizah"

was found in my handbag....

(^_^)

thinking about kids being kids, i hope adults can be this transparent (huh, motif???)

...A scene...

2011-08-09T16:43:00.001+08:00

Day : Tuesday

Date : 09 August 2011

Time : between 8.45 am - 9.45 am

in 2 Bijak, during P&P

A pupil : Teacher, penat tak jadi cikgu?

The teacher : Kenapa awak tanya?

A pupil : Iyelah, budak- budak ni semuanya nakal.

The teacher : Kalau awak, awak nak tak jadi cikgu?

A pupil : Nak.

The teacher : Kenapa nak?

A pupil : Sebab nak jadi macam teacher.

The teacher : Kenapa nak jadi macam teacher pulak?

A pupil : Sebab teacher kelakar.

The teacher : Bukan ke teacher ni garang ke?

A pupil : Ala, teacher garang sikit je. tapi kelakar banyak.

@_ @

oh, rupanya, aku ni teacher yang kelakar.

...main masak-masak...

2011-08-07T17:59:00.000+08:00

WARNING: Don't read this post if you are fasting. =P

Alhamdulillah just done preparing food for berbuka.. padahal Kak Huda invited us to iftar at hers. But, that's actually the reason why i cooked this evening. yelah, orang berbudi kita berbahasa, orang ajak makan kat rumah dia, kita masak sikit buat buah tangan.. chewaah, peri-tak-reti-bahasa sendiri... tapi of course la i tak masak lauk pauk atau kuih muih, but masakan western. my all-time favourite, lasagna.

macam pelik pulak bawak buah tangan lasagna instead of kuih lapis, onde-onde, biji nangka, jala mas (list all the very sweet kuih-muih that you know). reason nye buat lasagna ni ialah, i tak berapa reti nak masak kuih muih melayu ni.. erghhh, bocor satu rahsia.

hehe, tak lah. kuih muih melayu tu tak master lagi. selagi tak master tak leh cakap tak reti kan? kan?

lagi reason is, my housemate sangat teringin nak makan lasagna i buat plus kak huda pun sangat suka lasagna. after ditimbang tara, lasagna menang.. so alhamdulillah terhasil lah juga lasagna di atas meja ni..

tapi xconfident la rasa dia sedap ke tak, sebab tak leh nak try, hopefully rasa dia acceptable la atau lagi sedap dari biasa... ameen3.. kihkihkih

haa, alang- alang dah cerita about lasagna ni, i suddenly remember this friend of mine who kept on asking me the recipe. since she always visit this blog, i'll just share the recipe here, ok? boleh kan, awak? so saya tak yah email awak recipe nye.. hehe

alright, here it is..

Resepi Lasagna

Bahan2:

1) Sos Merah:

- 2 botol Pasta sauce (bolognese-with mushrooms), Brand Leggo (check halal label)

- 3 bawang besar (diced)

- 10 ulas bawang putih (diced)

- 1/2 kg minced beef

- black pepper

- garam

2) Sos putih

- Fresh milk 1 Liter

- Butter 150 gm

- Tepung gandum 3 sudu besar

- Shredded cheddar cheese (500gm), brand Coon (check label halal)

3) Lasagna sheeets (brand coles, kotak hijau)-1-2 boxes

4) Shredded cheddar cheese (250gm), brand Coon (check label halal)

Cara2:

1) Sos Merah:

- Tumis bawang besar & bawang putih sehingga kekuningan

- Masukkan minced beef

- Masak sekejap utk keringkan air

- Masukkan pasta sauce

- Masukkan air (lebih kurang 3/4 botol pasta sauce)

- Masukkan black pepper secukup rasa

- Garam secukup rasa

- Tutup api setelah masak

2) Sos putih:

- Panaskan kuali

- Cairkan butter

- Masukkan susu

- Masukkan tepung 3 sudu besar

- Kacau sehingga sos menjadi likat / pekat

- Masukkan cheese & kacau sehingga cheese cair

- Tutup api

3) Susun:

a) Susun lasagna sheets sebagai base (tak rapat pun takpe, because nanti akan kembang)

b) Tuang satu lapisan sos merah

c) Kemudian, tuang satu lapisan sos putih di atas sos merah

- Ulang langkah a)-c) sehingga hampir memenuhi bekas (pastikan sos putih sentiasa di atas)

- Kemudian tabur shredded cheese di atas lasagna

4) Bakar pada suhu 180, around 30-40mins (sehingga nampak bahagian atas kecoklatan)

senang kan? kan? kan? lagi senang dari tanak nasi, sebab xyah sukat air. hehe

hari ni extra rajin sebab i'm in a very good mood (sebab leh masak makanan favourite) so, i'll put up few pictures of the lasagnas i baked just now.. (sila jangan terliur jika kamu suka)

nampak tak sedap pun, so jangan la terliur... hehe

lepas masak tadi, layan cerita Singgah Sahur TV3, this time, bertajuk Insan Gelandangan atau pun orang- orang yang hidup di jalanan. beratapkan langit bertikarkan bumi... sedih sih, sahur berbuka tak de makanan, merempat bawah jambatan (aku siap boleh masak lasagna 3 trays lagi) (-_-) sangat menginsafkan.

alhamdulillah, Allah masih pelihara me and us from going through such hard life. alhamdulillah, your blessings are indeed countless...

ok peeps, gotta go..

Happy Iftar everyone.

...firework...

2011-08-03T17:54:00.001+08:00

a song that struck me lately...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bagDrifting through the wind, wanting to start again?Do you ever feel, feel so paper thinLike a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thingDo you know that there's still a chance for you'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shineJust own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a fireworkCome on, show 'em what you're worthMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohAs you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a fireworkCome on, let your colors burstMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohYou're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of spaceYou're original, cannot be replacedIf you only knew what the future holdsAfter a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closedSo you could open one that leads you to the perfect roadLike a lightning bolt, your heart will blowAnd when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shineJust own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a fireworkCome on, show 'em what you're worthMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohAs you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a fireworkCome on, let your colors burstMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohYou're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boomEven brighter than the moon, moon, moonIt's always been inside of you, you, youAnd now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a fireworkCome on, show 'em what you're worthMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohAs you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a fireworkCome on, let your colors burstMake 'em go, oh, oh, ohYou're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boomEven brighter than the moon, moon, moonBoom, boom, boomEven brighter than the moon, moon, moon

picture courtesy

yes, sometimes i do feel like a plastic bag drifted away.

but Alhamdulillah, just on time, i'll find my courage back

yes...

everything happens,

just one thing

BELIEVE IN ALLAH S.W.T

"maka bersabarlah kamu, sesungguhnya janji Allah itu benar, dan mohonlah ampun untuk dosamu dan bertasbihlah seraya memuji Tuhanmu pada waktu petang dan pagi" (40: 55)

(^_^)

footnote:

and to someone, you are really a drug to me. you turn me into an addict. <3 <3 <3

...first day of fasting...

2011-08-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, Allah sampaikan juga kita ke Ramadhan hari yang pertama.. hari pertama dah lepas, how about the second, third, fourth day and so on? May Allah still give us chances to seek forgiveness and rewards throughout this month. Ameen.

...Ramadhan Kareem...

2011-07-30T12:11:00.001+08:00

RAMADHAN KAREEM, READERS

MAY THIS RAMADHAN BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS

seriously i miss Ramadhan in Brisbane..

i miss the atmosphere

i miss the experience

i miss the gatherings

i miss buyutuuna fi Ramadhan

i miss tadarus al-quran

i miss the iftars and sahurs

i miss the tarawikh

i miss the iktikaf

i miss the bazaar ramadhan

i miss the time when we cooked

i miss everything i went through

and what i miss most

------ is the companions -----

nak balik Brisbane

..dilemma..

2011-07-30T11:34:00.000+08:00

ya Allah, jangan biarkan aku jatuh cinta kepada lelaki yang akhirnya bukan ditakdirkan untukku

...week - end and days...

2011-07-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

just arrived home from Putrajaya.. (haih, almost every week pegi KL/Putrajaya)

and i have started counting my work that i can't finish due to malfunctioned printer (en.printer masuk hospital xkluar2 lagi)

- haven't printed the SBOA results even though tomorrow PPD wants to check them
- haven't printed my lesson plan for tomorrow
- this week, am gonna be at school just for one day, on tuesday till thursday, have to attend the coach training for netball...(how on earth i am chosen to be the netball coach? main pun xpandai)
- on friday, hantar budak pegi sekolah sukan ape ntah...
- next week puasa... waa, can't wait. Allahumma balighna fi Ramadan

huaaa, what a hectic day! off to bed...

...dear ~TINTA~...

2011-07-22T11:45:00.001+08:00

dear ~TINTA~ ,

is this the time that i should do the istikharah to choose the one destined to me?? owh Allah, i'm so freaking out...

"Ya Allah, aku memohon petunjuk daripadaMu dengan ilmuMu dan aku memohon ketentuan daripadaMu dengan kekuasaanMu dan aku memohon daripadaMu akan limpah kurniaanMu yang besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa dan Engkau Maha Mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan Engkaulah Yang Maha Mengetahu segala perkara yang ghaib. Ya Allah, seandainya Engkau mengetahui bahawasanya urusan ini adalah baik bagiku pada agamaku, kehidupanku dan kesudahan urusanku sama ada cepat atau lambat, takdirkanlah ia bagiku dan permudahkanlah serta berkatlah bagiku padanya da seandainya Engkau mengetahui bahawa urusan ini mendatangkan keburukan bagiku pada agamaku, kehidupanku dan kesudahan urusanku sama ada cepat atau lambat, maka jauhkanlah aku daripadanya dan takdirkanlah kebaikan untukku dalam sebarang keadaan sekalipun kemudian redhailah aku dengannya".

pic courtesy tara-west.com

...new look...

2011-07-20T23:06:00.001+08:00

wow, my ~TINTA~ and its new look... ~TINTA~ you look soooooo pink and in love... (hahaha, ade ke??)

okay, i know its kinda pinkish that makes this blog looks like it's owned by a teenager (dengan kata- kata i love you bagai..)

tapi salah ke perasan muda sekali sekala???? walaupun, tuan nya dah tak berapa nak muda, kasi can la kat this blog to feel that it's still young and vibrant..

susah nye nak pilih template yang sesuai. i took more than 3 hours just to search the right one and it seems that i haven't found any (yelah, template ni tak de kena sangat ngan citarasa i pun, just that it reminds me of my young age. haha).

for the time being, let this template do its job, if i come across another template that i fall in love with, surely ~TINTA~ i promise you.. i'll change to a better one (^_^)

i always love the template designed by giselejaquenod since all of them are cute and simple, but too long of using the previous template makes me wanna change to someone else's design.. iyolah, nak design senirik, den memang tak pandai n xdok maso eh...

this is how ~TINTA~ looked like before this

and below are among the templates that i tried out but they turned out really unsuitable

love this one but again, it's from Gisele. may use this one if i'm bored with this current one.. hehe

two templates below were designed by Rinda

they are indeed cute and colourful but some tabs are not functioning

(or i don't know how to make them function hahaha)

p/s: huwaaaa, two posts on wordless wednesday.. once again, this wednesday is not that "WORDLESS" aite??

...NOT a WW...

2011-07-20T12:21:00.002+08:00

hari rabu yang bukan wordless wednesday...

mood swing yang sangat dasyat sampaikan tengok blog sendiri pun rasa nak tukar design in just a blink...bosan bosan dan bosan dengan design yang sama saje, jemu dan nak muntah juge...

yeah, today is NOT a wordless wednesday..

p/s: next week kne g kursus 1 murid 1 sukan bola jaring.... arghhhhh horror, malas nye.... (while wondering, bila lah nak pencen nih?)

...Pokok...

2011-07-19T11:51:00.003+08:00

i think this song has real deep meanings...

POKOK by Hazama AF9 and Meet Uncle Hussin

"tanya sama pokok apa sebab goyang, jawab angin yang goncang"
yes, everything happens in this world, there's always reasons behind it..
remind me of a verse in quran (al-imran: 191)

"Yaitu orang-orang yang mengingat Allah sambil berdiri dan duduk, dan dalam keadaan berbaring, dan mereka memikirkan tentang penciptaan langit dan bumi sambil berkata: "Ya Tuhan kami, Engkau tidak menciptakan ini dengan sia-sia! Maha Suci Engkau! Maka peliharalah kami dari siksa neraka"

a verse that reminds me of Australia,

a verse that reminds me of anything happens in my life, it's Him who creates it.

a verse that makes me accept (redha) with what He has destined for me until now.

"terbang burung terbang, patah sayap diduga, seandainya lemah, Kau masih ada"
and yes, if Allah brings you to it, He'll bring you through it...

it's very amazing to think how i could survive living in Australia for 2 years with no one i was close with on the first place.

you know how He helped me?
He gave me a very understanding and amazing person, Nurul Saqinah and granted me bunch of great persons that made me think "it's okay if i don't get back to Malaysia, as long as i have them with me"

that is the greatness of Allah.. of course He's the Greatest of all, by the way..

Now He has put me into another agony, i'm clueless, but i'll put my effort to go through it. bravely. as i know, He will once again, be with me and help me go through it...

...blessings...

2011-07-18T00:22:00.001+08:00

ok, sangat penat dengan aktiviti hari ni. bayangkan la pukul 5 pagi bangun, bersiap and then drove up to Malacca Town just to park my car somewhere over there.... then, took a two- hour journey to KL just to attend something. but hey, it was worthwhile. i'm really grateful to those who offered me the chance to attend the ceremony. it was eye-opening indeed and back from the hotel, i viewed this life in another perspective. i would like to share you a story that i listened today...

there was a monk who was in an isolated island, praying to God to save his life. one day, came a boatman offering him to board his boat and come back to the main island, but the monk refused. therefore, the boatman left him... the next day, another boatman came and offered him the same help. once again, he refused. and the next day, came another boatman saying that he was the last person who would stop by and offered him help and persuaded the monk to board his boat. but he gave the same answer as previous. the next day, the monk passed away. the monk then asked his God why the God did not help him to get away from the isolated island. and then the God answered, i had sent 3 boatmen to rescue you, but denied them. do you expect me in person to come and save you?????

more of less, the story was sounded as above (retold by me =P ) and yeah, from the story, as to relate to my life, to our life as muslims, Allah always helps us. He doesn't come in person, but He plans for another human being to help us. so, in every help that you get from your friends, strangers, they are indeed from Allah S.W.T and what more can I say other than praising Allah the All-Mighty for always giving me the best and right now, for showing me a way to realize my dreams....

(senyum dengan bahagia)

thank you Allah for always watching over me..

... a message...

2011-07-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

there's something i want to tell to someone, but i don't have courage to do so...

"if anything ever happen, good or bad, please please please, stay with me"

i don't even know if that person will stumble upon this blog, but i hope someday, if Allah grants, that person will know..

...because of one reason...

2011-07-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

sebelum baca post ni, sila click this link dulu...

http://www.iluvislam.com/tazkirah/remaja-a-cinta/2994-awak-kenapa-kahwin-dengan-saya.html

dah baca???

ok, boleh proceed to this post..

sweeeeeeeeeettttttt sangat citer dia kan? kan? kan?...

wah, ala2 berangan akulah Fatimah Azzahrah tu... err, tapi tak salah kan?? i haven't got married.. lain la kalu dah kawin, memang tak leh berangan la...

ok lah, stop pasal berangan2... tapi i really pray to Allah my marriage later will have moments like these..

iye ler.. sweet kan? so, that's mean i have to get married to someone i don't know. haha.. boleh x macam tu?

i used to tell my friends that i don't mind to accept someone who i never know to be my other half..

kalu cerita benda ni dekat orang yang pro love-before-marriage, memang kena hentam la... terpaksa la kuatkan hati... hehe..

and yes, i'm pro love-after-marriage.. sweet kan kalu kita kenal2 husband kita bila dah kawin... tak de la bosan sangat marriage nanti. just imagine, kalau dah kenal each other hati budi bertahun- tahun sebelum kawin, nanti dah kawin, nak kenal apa lagi.. yelah, sume benda dah tau. dah tau dia makan apa, dah tau dia xsuka ape... owh, bosan nya, alih2 benda sama je.. eh, betul ke?? macam la i ni ada pengalaman kawin... xde2... but believe it or not, my married friends told me so.. even ada yang said, dia nyesal kenal husband dia awal2 and wish to experience love-after-marriage.. sayangnya, perahu boleh diundur, tapi masa mana boleh undur2...

berbalik pada cerita tadi, best kot si fatimah dapat husband baik... dapat pulak yang kawin dengan dia hanya disebabkan satu reason je...(ape reasonnye??? kalu baca link tadi baru tau... huah, kantoi xbaca lagi link tu pegi click sekarang!!!) owh, kalau lah (i wish wish wish) my future husband is like that..

ok fine, i xde la baik sangat... tapi tak salahkan doa semoga dapat pasangan yang lebih baik dari kita dari segala segi kan??? ok2 fine, akan doa juga semoga dapat pasangan yang terbaik...

tak kira dia macam mana, harapnya, dia beriman.. ameen3..

yelah, dah la i ni xde la baik sangat (cakap jahat karang, xsesuai pulak ~~ngee), xkan nak dapat yang xbaik jugak kan... mesti la nak lagi better dari diri sendiri sebab dia kan nak jadi imam dalam rumah kitorang nanti.. chewwaaahhh... ameen ameen dan ameen lagi..

so, i tengah berusaha keras untuk tak jatuh cinta awal2.. karang kesian plak husband i... xpasal2 jadi yang second, third, fourth plak... abis la membazir segala love2 dicurahkan kepada fake husband. so kepada individu2 dan organisasi2 yang sibuk tanya bila i nak ade pakwe tu, sila la ubah soalan korang kepada, bila i nak ada husband?? hehe... lagi best kalu leh bagi calon nya skali.. wah.... statement tak larat.. (senyum kambing)

okay la.. rasa macam pelik je bila wat post2 macam nih.. tapi macam kena jugak supaya orang tahu pendirian i.. kalu tak, memang memanjang la kena jawab soalan cepumas lagi wajib kepada seorang bujang yang dah punyai keje tetap... hehe

orait, macam bosan plak citer hal ni.. stop2 ler dulu.. kita citer hal lain..

-esok cuti peristiwa sempena open day kat sekolah petang tadi...

-this weekend lepak melaka rumah elah.. so, xde kat tebong.. readers, jangan datang umah i kat tebong weekend ni ye...

-next week kena anta kertas soalan UPP 2.. haih. (hiappp, tak baik mengeluh, keje.. keje)

-SPP tak panggil i interview lagi...

-banyak sungguh dapat wedding invitations.. barakallahulakuma wa barakalaikuma wa jama'a bainakuma fi khair.. tahniah kerana dah hampir kepada hari menyempurnakan separuh iman =) selamat bercinta hingga ke syurga.. thuaibah, izzat mustapha, izyan saizan, kak nida cohort 2 ipba, kak intan melbourne, junior ipba syafiq and aiman... kalau ditakdirkan Allah, i attend inshaAllah..

-ape lagi nak citer ek???

- oh ye, kak huda, my GF at school dah selamat jadi wife orang... tahniah akak.. semoga menjadi isteri yang solehah dan kekasih yang setia dan membahagiakan hingga ke syurga... (psst, nanti baby panggil i mummy izy tau)

- kat sekolah i dah jadi cikgu sains jugak.. owh, sangat la funny. bayangkan la i yang tak penah-penah dapat A sains dari year 1 till form 5 kena jadi cikgu sains... hopefully i don't teach them wrongly (atau ajar buat bom) huhuhu

-okay itu je...toodles

...another Vitamin C puisi...

2011-07-05T20:32:00.000+08:00

Allahu Rabbi aku minta izin
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Jangan biarkan cinta untuk-Mu berkurang
Hingga membuat lalai akan adanya Engkau

Allahu Rabbi
Aku punya pinta
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Penuhilah hatiku dengan bilangan cinta-Mu yang tak terbatas
Biar rasaku pada-Mu tetap utuh

Allahu Rabbi
Izinkanlah bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Pilihkan untukku seseorang yang hatinya penuh dengan
kasih-Mu
dan membuatku semakin mengagumi-Mu

Allahu Rabbi
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh hati
Pertemukanlah kami
Berilah kami kesempatan untuk lebih mendekati cinta-Mu

Allahu Rabbi
Pintaku terakhir adalah seandainya kujatuh hati
Jangan pernah Kau palingkan wajah-Mu dariku
Anugerahkanlah aku cinta-Mu...
Cinta yang tak pernah pupus oleh waktu
Amin !

...my workplace..

2011-07-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

i believe, most of the readers haven't been to my school yet, right?? (cheh, brape orang sangat la yang kenal tebong kan?? i pun bile kene posting tebong baru la tahu wujud rupenya tempat yang bernama TEBONG di alam fana nih)

so, i present to you the multimedia presentation made by i-don't-know-who-but-i-guess-he's-my-colleague's-hubby ... so enjoy

p/s: owh, part nama i sebagai penyunting tu sangat la mencari publisiti + "tak buat keje tapi letak nama".. (bila masa i sunting ntah.. video ni pun baru je tengok + download, panas2 lagi) hehe.. btw, a good masterpiece (^_^) GooD

...19 june 2011...

2011-06-20T10:38:00.000+08:00

just for the note...

last night, i have made a very big decision that i believe, will definitely change my WHOLE life in future. all this while i have always been bugging the same questions, thought and hope but, all praise to Allah, for this "last night" He has opened to me the door of "answer" for all my questions...

sangat susah untuk membuat keputusan sebesar itu, kerana dengan jawapan Ya

- ia akan mengubah hidup aku seluruhnya walaupun secara perlahan- lahan

- ia akan mengubah MASA DEPAN hidup aku, keluarga aku, dan aku harap seluruh keturunan keluargaku

- ia juga bermakna, aku mengambil risiko yang sangat besar.. mempertaruhkan segala yang aku ada...

tapi, jika difikir balik, jika bukan ini masanya, bila lagi??

pintu rezeki ini yang sekarang Allah buka, mungkin tidak akan pernah terbuka lagi jika aku menutupnya buat kali ini...

dengan jawapan ini, aku harap Allah yang Maha Pemberi Rezeki dan Maha Pemurah akan menuntun aku, dan memberkati segala apa yang aku lakukan.. Semoga ini hanya kerana Mu, keluargaku dan masa depan hidupku...

aku mulakan dengan lafaz, Bismillah hir rahman ni raheem....

*aftermath - 19 June 2011 - *

Semoga ia mengubah hidupku ke arah yang lebih baik....

...pure ramblings from the heart that misses...

2011-06-08T16:24:00.001+08:00

just came back from a brief get together with Yan (yes, she's another Izyan with totally different features to me.. hehe) my roommate back in ipba for 1 and half years, cum my practicum mate (meaning that, we were always sent together for both practicum and SBE) cum my state mate (ade ke??? she's also from Kelantan nd now posted back to kelantan, more specific, my district). wah, what a memory! we have been together for good 5 and half years (except the flying part, coz she went to UK).

nothing much to tell here, but i am sort of happy for getting the moment to chat with her like we used to be when we were students. and she's getting married. if i don't grab this chance then, it might be no for tomorrows. thanks Allah for making this happen.

ahh, talking about she getting married, i wonder how it feels when people who are close and dear to me are already married. i don't experience it once yet since those friends who married (and still marry to each other and will always be married forever) are not the closest ones. and i guess, the time will come when 26th of June comes. i'm eager for it to happen yet feel so lonely when i will not have the close friend of mine when i need her anytime. of course i have to make way for her husband to intrude during her freetime, right?? oh, izyan, you are so selfish... hihi..

i can't even imagine if those in the pictures below get married too though coz they are the closest.. not being with them for 6 months has been quite a dilemma to me. problems here and there, we are far to each other and yet i was being so selfish for always thinking of them everytime i need someone to hear and console me... so friends, S n F, let me get married first.. hehe... oh izyan, another selfish sentence!

back to the story of Yan and me just now.. it was so refreshing to talk to her about things other than schools and friends which was about our own self, our past and our present.. well, i just did this type of talking with her, S and F because it's just us who feel and go through the journey.. (at least, among my own clan, others may experience the same but they don't involve me). our past and our present were quite the same (since it will never be the same) and we were so free to speak our mind like no one cares which i really longed for. having time like this makes me appreciate our distance since, the time spent was so precious and it felt like it flew too fast and oh god, seriously i appreciate it.

i guess, it's the price we have to pay once we enter working phase. we'll be missing our dearest friends who work far from us and always pray and look forward for the next meeting.

p/s: oh yes, btw, 26th of June is not Yan's wedding date.. it's someone else.. (^_^)

...missing youse..

2011-06-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

i miss you guys so much. enough said.

...convo'an'...

2011-06-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

oh ampun, blog sudah lama tak berupdate... al- maklum la, tuan punya blog sibuk bercuti.. hehe

in point form..

am currently at home. ape lagi nak cakap. i should be grateful since i have full days of holidays. meaning, i don't have to teach extra class during this two-weeks holiday *grin sheepishly*.
am currently at home. yes. but with different feeling. my sis is not with me at home. oh, rasa sangat weird berada di rumah ni ber'status'kan the one and only daughter. both of my sisters are in their respective colleges. and i hope it's not too late to congratulate my 5th sibling for getting a place at INTEC, congratulations Idah!! another congratulations to Iroh (who i believe frequently come to this blog) for getting listed in the dean list, again!!. p/s Iroh: dah langsai hutang. i have treated you domino pizza. nak domino lagi, kena dean list lagi. hehe
28/5/2011 - done with second convo ceremony, this time at IPBA. twas a great day. walaupun sedih and huru hara pada awalnya. huhu.. i was late during the day. it was supposed to be at 7.45am. but i left Putrajaya at 7.45am!!! thought i couldn't make it that day.. memang cuak abis, mne tak cuaknya. lecturer said, if you're late than you can't come in. ape lagi, dah la drive sesorang pagi tu, (my parents and siblings got up late) gamble je la.. i drove as fast as i could, merbahaya habis la. siap bagi2 lampu lagi kat kereta yang kononnya laju dok kat fast lane tuh.. thanks Allah, there were not so many cars on the roads so the traffic was clear. kalau tak memang abis la.. in less than 30 minutes, i safely arrived at IPBA (tak tau la kalu poket jap lagi xsafe.. yelah, who knows if i got speed trap pulak ke.. nauzubillah) dengan high heels nye, berlari naik bukit kejar masa. lecturers who i passed through told me to calm down while i guees they were thinking funny about me (yelah, pakai kemain ayu dengan high heels skali, tapi berlari, tak ke hancur tuh? huhu. seb baik tak tergolek kat mne2) yang paling hampeh, sampai2 je sana, staff on duty said that we've to wait for another 30 minutes. hughhhh, seb baik tak bertukar jadi hulk hogan. to think positive, i thanked Allah for making me able to come in time and most importantly, safe and sound... an hour after i arrived, my parents and siblings were there. seb baik they could make it to the hall, kalau tak, memang ade yang merajuk tak makan pujuk la...hehe.. owh, i'm so glad, i'm done with my study and convo. so far. 5 and half years went so fast and very well.
27/5/2011 - prior to the convo day, i went out with Saqinah and Fariena. twas the best day of the week. i missed them damn much and we had our brunch at our all-time favourite restaurant, Domino Pizza at Mid V. then off we went to jalan TAR. ape lagi, shopping shawl for my baju convo la.. seriously, rasa 'segar' sangat bila meet up dengan diorang, share stories of our own schools.. after this, we might not have the same chance anymore.
after the convo, went back to putrajaya and was stranded at precinct 2 with hari sejuta belia and jom heboh. seriously, they were gathering a million of belia all around malaysia and personally, i'm afraid if those belia meneraju malaysia in near 5 to 10 years ahead. they're not the rijal that islam's waiting for. that's what i can say seeing the situation at that moment.
on sunday, we sent iroh back to dungun and straight away came back home... (^_^) then at 7pm, home sweet home. (malam tu trus tido tak sedarkan diri sampai pagi sebab penat sangat drive from setiu to rumah.. kecoh je, baru je drive sikit trus 'pengsan' hehe)..
activities at home - jadi driver, mark exam papers, shopping tudung untuk kakak2 di melaka.. hehe. marking exam papers is a real pain. huhuhu..

okay, dah langsai hutang update my current whereabouts. phiewww..

convo pics

mommy and daddy

dapat bunga n teddy bear tu akhirnya berjaya memujuk hati yang hampir3 merajuk

keh keh keh materialistik sungguh

he asked "where are you teaching now?"

i replied "Malacca"

then, he and Wendy said "oooooooooo"

fellow c4 qutans

...entah ape- ape ntah...

2011-05-24T12:38:00.000+08:00

the kids are having mid- term exam and their teacher here is very bored. sungguh bosan kalau datang sekolah tak mengajar. at least, kalu mengajar, masa lapang terisi. i just finished "touch- up" bilik SPBT. naik la seri sikit because the room is colourful now. kalau tak, memang dull habis.. tak tau sangat nak update apa this time. yelah, jumpa budak2 pun just to watch them answering questions (tak kurang juga jadi receptionist di kaunter) so tak de la cerita sangat yang nak diceritakan.. life pun okay.. can't wait for Thursday to come.. after school, terus bertolak ke putrajaya and CRK (cuti rehat khas) on friday for my second convocation briefing.

after the convocation on saturday, will straight away go back to Kelantan passing through Terengganu since my sis needs to register for her next semester. and will be spending the whole 2 weeks of school holidays marking exam papers and attending kenduri kawin orang lain at home.. hehe.. tapi akan bosan sebab i don't have my sis'es' around anymore. tak de orang dah nak dikacau nanti. tinggal bros je.. tak cun langsung bila ada diorang sahaja, sure kena buli..

but, the bro who's studying in UK will be coming back on the 6th.. so cool jugak la. may be we can go out and have small family gath. bakar ikan kat tok bali ke..

owh, seriously dah tak tahu nk rumble ape.. so, i better stop before boredom hits ~TINTA~

...best present so far...

2011-05-19T10:04:00.000+08:00

is a card from a boy

i know it's a stanza from an ad

he's someone who's very very very quiet and timid

and "susah nak suka cikgu"

demotivated to learn,

but he definitely does well in my class

bright as he can easily understand my lesson

just that he seldom comes to school

...my very first teacher's day...

2011-05-18T10:04:00.000+08:00

it was indeed AWESOME... in point form, i will summarize it all (i hope)

1. the day started with assembly - singing "Guru Penjana Transformasi Pendidikan Negara" seriously í'm not

familiar with the song, mumbling aje. hehe. next was my favourite song ever, "Kami Guru Malaysia" kali ni nyanyi memang serius sebab i really can feel the big responsibility of being a teacher. masa kat maktab nyanyi main + x menjiwai (chewah) pun lagu tu..

2. oh yes, we got to wear our new baju korporat. orange-black in colour. memang cun and smart. hehe

3. then, we had sukaneka.. main memang best.. among the games were (a) bawa getah guna straw (ni memang xtahan gelak, when you laugh with a drinking straw on your mouth, straw tu akan bergegar dan semua getah jatuh, hahaha hampeh) (b) boling kelapa, pin nya ialah 5 bottles full of water and (3) baling belon berisi air

4. for the third game, Mr Lee (the GPK HEM) threw the ballon to me, thank God it hit the ground. but suddenly, GPK Kokum buat serangan balik on behalf of me and the balloon hit his feet.. pooommm, dia pun basah.. hahaha.. memang cool! rasa nak peluk je akak GPK Kokum tu. then, lepas abis main, ada perang belon plak. main baling- baling2 belon. satu sekolah sibuk ambik belon baling kat orang. penat lari dari Mr. Lee, sibuk nak baling belon kat I.. tapi serious, i really enjoyed it... meriah je.

5. gift exchange among the teachers.. i got a book entitled "Gurukah aku atau....?" hah, agaknya bila pencen baru abis baca kot.. hehe, tu pun kalu tak hilang =P ..

6.tak expect akan dapat present from the kids because i know they are not rich. but, still i got presents from them. banyak la jugak. waaa, terharu... yang paling comel, those who can't afford made cards with sweet words in there. most of them wrote, "untuk teacher izyan yang disayangi".. i feel loved. wah ada jugak orang sayang even though i'm so garang.. hehe.. bertambah koleksi mugs dan segala perhiasan rumah.. this one girl gave me a tudung and expected me to wear it on wednesday, but today i didn't wear it sebab singkat kot... i pakai tudung size M, dia bagi size S... tak rela nak pakai tudung singkat2 nih. abis la imej i. hehe..

7. one year 1 student (she rarely comes to school, once in a while je) gave me a 'love' letter writen there "untuk cikgu asno" hahaha, nampak sangat nama i pun dia tak tahu.. i asked her, "my name is teacher izyan. teacher asno ni teacher kat depan tu. nak bagi kat sape sebenarnya?" then she said, "teacher la.." pastu lari.. hahaha.. tapi still terharu sebab dia usaha jugak buat 'love' letter tu.. owh kid, you are so adorable...

8. card paling awl i got was from another kid in year 1.. he is an Orang Asli. He made the card so beatifully. the card was given on Wednesday, 5 days before teacher's day... haha.. semangatnya.

9. jamuan with the teachers while the kids were watching Upin Ipin The Movie.. memang cool..

in other word, my first teacher's day celebration was all good. sangat gembira... full with laughter, smiles and loves..

right after i reached home from school, siap- siap, keluar lagi lepak ngan E-Lah... nearly 11 pm baru balik... memang flat.. terus tido (after mandi la)

...Happy Teacher's Day...

2011-05-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

happy teacher's day in advance for all the teachers..

i'm in no mood of updating ~TINTA~ tonight since i went through hectic weekend this week but my eyes don't want to close and the body won't lie down, therefore, here it is, an advance wish for teacher's day that will be celebrated tomorrow. =)

i'm very excited to celebrate this teacher's day since it's my first year of being a teacher and for the first time to be surrounded with the pupils. hopefully tomorrow will be a great day.. ~~~weeee~~~~

throughout my life, everyone i meet (met) intentionally or unintentionally has affected my life to greater extent. i admit i'm someone who's easily affected and influenced by the surrounding. sometimes it's bad but most of the time, Allah has planned to cross my way with good persons. alhamdulillah, all praises to You and only You. (^_^) i'm glad that i met so many people who are priceless. you guys, by Allah's will, are the precious gems and good teachers to me...

so, to everyone who knows me, happy teacher's day, thank for teaching and showing me how to live my life in this world... even if you bring negative influences to me, at least I've learned that they're negative (-_-)

picture courtesy here

...blues...

2011-05-11T09:50:00.000+08:00

can't wait for the second convocation ceremony at IPBA on this coming 28th of May...

can't wait to reunite with my fellow best ever sahabiahs...

and on that day, I'm expecting someone to come and meet my family so that i can give my final words on the agonies that i have experienced all this while. but, indeed we plan but Allah decides, that someone can't come due to duty- call. what can i say, it will lengthen the agonies.. i believe, He has His reason for deciding it that way.

forget about the agonies, let's talk about the fun and happiness i had(ve) throughout this and last week.

- my sis came to me and we spent time to go visit few places including A famosa Water World.

- happy birthday to May babies : Izzati (best friend during lower secondary school) Mek Yan (best friend at IPBA) Kak Nurul Huda (close colleague at school) see, i memang ngam dengan earlier May babies nih...

- movie watching at Hatten Square (thanks to those two friends of mine)

...a freak...

2011-05-10T08:44:00.000+08:00

it's somehow true that

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met." unknown

it's freaking hard and heart-breaking

but i believe time is a great cure even though it doesn't happen in a blink of eyes..

...past life...

2011-05-06T10:41:00.003+08:00

for so many reasons, i want my old life back....

...as promised...

2011-05-03T08:15:00.000+08:00

our farewell vid...

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

...entry bosan...

2011-05-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

hari ini masih lagi hari pekerja di mana pekerja tidak perlu bekerja. tetapi, pekerja ini sedang berada di sekolah untuk bekerja.. wah, gigih sungguh ni (ah, bukan gigih sangat tuh, tu kes bosan duduk di rumah lalu drive kereta ke sekolah yang hanya 3 minutes away, if you drive like i do =P ).

yes, i'm currently at school, sedang menikmati kelajuan internet yang tiada tandingan nye, rasa macam nak pindah rumah tinggal kat sekolah je (sanggup tu semata- mata nak online). tak de la, sebenarnya, memang suka dok skolah ni. environment nye sangat best.. lagi best kalu datang sekolah, kita sorang2 je (eh, bukan seorang, berdua - bersama penjaga setia sekolah) nak membest kan lagi, angkut sekali printer dari rumah.. dah siap satu dokumen terus print.. owh, ala- ala workstation sendiri macam kat pejabat (feeling- feeling pekerja terbaik la) hehe

now, i'm working on the files for KSSR. agak leceh jugak la.. but alhamdulillah i found a useful input from the net to help me doing the job. for me, KSSR is good (cheh, pro- gov gitu) but the burden is on the teachers. especially the new novice teacher like me... terkapai- kapai mencari hala tuju nak ajar budak2 ni, tak termasuk lagi dengan PBS (Penilaian Berasaskan Sekolah), sampai kan first time meeting hari tu tertanya dalam hati "apo ko bondonyo benda alah PBS nih?" (padahal, lupa daratan dah belajar masa kat IPBA dulu) amek kau, sape suruh berangan mase lecturer tengah bagi lecture dulu. hehe..

ok lah dah petang kot... lama betul amik masa nak siapkan satu entry nih (siap boleh pegi tampin, beli pizza, abiskan pizza dulu) baru 'Publish Post' ditekan.. hehe..

ok peeps.. will update again bila datang hari pekerja di mana pekerja tak bekerja lagi... (huish, lama tu, setahun lagi) hehe..

...long week + end...

2011-05-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

oh, hari ni diri terasa tersangat lah gigih dan sabar untuk melayari internet, walaupun internet speed di sini lebih slow dari seekor siput khinzir bersiar- siar di tepi longkang. yelah, macam mana tak gigih, dah dok rumah tak buat apa2.. tapi kadang- kadang ada waktu free macam ni heaven jugak. al- maklum la, rasa nya dah lama sangat tak lepak kat rumah seharian tanpa keluar ke mana- mana.

hari ni 1 May (sume pun tau la!). Hari Pekerja. bukan hari pekerja bekerja, tapi hari pekerja tak buat kerja.. termasuk la i.. tapi, bukan tak buat kerja terus, baru je lepas having headache (lalu makan nasi dgn banyaknya untuk menghilangkan headache. hehe..). the reason for getting the headache and sudden high blood pressure was when i was checking my pupils' exercise books. mana tak high blood pressure, lain yang teacher suruh salin, lain yang dia salin.. adeh, anak- anak sekalian, apa yang kamu semua makan... should i sponsor kismis and air zam zam? biar terang hati sikit. nanges teacher dia baca apa yang dia salin.. huk huk huk.. seb baik tak meraung golek- golek je. Ya Allah, berikanlah aku kesabaran... sape kata keje cikgu senang? even 1 May pun keje (+ berperang dengan perasaan) jugak tau..

okay la, stop2 la citer pasal kerja tuh.. hari ni kan hari pekerja tak bekerja...

heaven sangat bila boleh leisure2 di rumah pada waktu2 macam ni. sejak bermastautin di Melaka bersama kereta sebijik, memang susah nk dapat waktu macam ni. al- maklum la, asal weekend je ade jemputan ke somewhere, kalau tak dijemput pun, i menjemput kan diri sendiri berjalan- jalan ke mana- mana.. i wish to go back to Putrajaya this long weekend, tapi bila mengingatkan next week dah ada program lain, macam tak sanggup je meletihkan diri drive ke sana..

my whereabouts? living my lifestyle in kampung right now is not bad at all. obviously i can adapt myself to the environment but still i need time to do more adjustment and improvement. positive side, i still have few friends to hang around anytime i am free even though the school is far from town. kalau dah dekat dengan town memang lagi la tak nampak batang hidung kat rumah agaknya. have visited around malacca and knew a lil bit of this historic town. have fallen in love with the town especially those with baba nyonya fusion. but haven't had time to go and check 'em out. wish i had friends who would love to visit those kind of places. next week my sis are coming, should i grab their hands and bring them there? would love to do so...

and yes, i miss Brisbane on and on and on. (especially when i saw visits from there to my blog recently). i miss the lifestyle, i miss the people, i miss everything about it. what more, when i was doing my room's spring- clean this morning, i found all the pictures that i had them printed in an envelope. so sweet, vibrant and nostalgic as it used to to me. so i had them pasted on my wall, in front of my work station also known as my make-up table.. hehehe.. now i had all the important faces in front of me to activate my previous schema about them. and i love those smiles. deep inside, i thank Allah for those opportunities He had given. Guys (you know who you are), you are always in my du'as...

waah, akhirnya berjaya menghasilkan entry yang boleh tahan panjang (walaupun agak pendek) hehe... and yes, one more thing, i hope it's not too late to convey my highest congratulations to Choc and Cikgu Rusli for the new born baby of yours. Wish you and your family many happiness coming in future and the babies to be good Muslims.

Cikgu Rusli's Rayyan

Muhammad Rayyan Fateh B. Rusli

Wah, auntie Yan n kakak Nurul sangat bertuah dapat tengok mata celik Rayyan. masa uncles and aunties dari sk tebong datang, Rayyan syok je tido. (^_^)

...A big crush, after a long time not having one...

2011-04-29T10:45:00.001+08:00

aaaaa.... i have a big crush on Maher Zain.... oppssss, behold! not on the person but the new Indonesian translated "For The Rest of My Life" song, " Sepanjang Hidup"....

it's been long since i last listened to Maher Zain's For the Rest of My Life... it's because i had enough "jiwang moment" listening to this song when i was in Brisbane... Now, it's back... hah, abis la pendrive lepas ni, letak 100 copies of "Sepanjang Hidup" pulak..

...my first try...

2011-04-25T10:45:00.003+08:00

punya la bosan kat sekolah macam xde benda nak buat (actually, i have too much work that i feel like throwing out thinking about them).. last skali online guna phone kat canteen.. great escape huh! tapi okay la, first try using my zinnirah to update this blog. gotta finish this drink and continue working.. weekend, come fast please! i need you to rest my brain (macam la during weekend tu, betul2 boleh rehat kan?) pergh, hari ni baru monday...yesterday was sunday and weekend.. all right peeps, this is what we call Monday Blues..

...madu dan racun..

2011-04-18T11:11:00.000+08:00

tajuk memang tak leh blah!! tapi, ada aku kesah..

i'm not sure whether blogging in school adalah kesalahan atau tidak. mungkin depends on waktu blogging tu kan? i blog masa tunggu waktu nak masuk kelas. ok la tu... it doesn't affect my future lesson.

ah, rasa tak best sungguh hari ni after a long weekend (3 days instead of two) when yours truly (the pupils) didn't finish your homework. this was not the first time. tak faham sungguh why they couldn't do it after a very long explanation on thursday and they understood the lesson. naik darah jugak hari ni. but i couldn't help it. nak marah, xboleh because it's not my nature to marah2 murid- murid yang innocent in, nak nangis kang malu plak dalam kelas tu. nak denda, memang sah tak sampai hati. apa lagi boleh buat??? how i wish i have someone to rely on, to tell all my grieves...

i love my kids and i really hope they can be someone better than me in future. but in the middle of molding them, i find that i'm not good and patient enough. sometimes i feel like quitting but i realize throughout my life, i love (and can do better in) nothing except teaching.

apa la nak buat kat budak2 ni?? nasihat dah.. bebel dah. denda?? dah, secara rasminya, i announce, i denda budak2 kelas 2 tadi dengan tak bagi turun makan kalau tak siap salin homework from whiteboard. cuak jugak bila first time denda budak ni, alhamdulillah most of them could finish the work on time and could go recess except 2 persons. boleh pula dia main2. adoi, nak buat ape lagi ngan budak2 ni.. ma, nak nangis...

hah, relief sikit perasaan.. tak kesah la cite dalam blog pun, asal kan, emosi bila masuk next class ni jadi neutral balik... inshaAllah, please2 give me back my spirit...

...because they are just kids...

2011-04-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

among the best moments in school...

1) "teacher, boleh tak teacher pakai baju hitam yang macam datin hari tu tiap- tiap hari?" @_@

2) one day, out of blue, a pupil (year one- girl) asked me "teacher, saya nak ngorat teacher boleh tak?" please note, she's a girl. lepas tu, semua budak perempuan dalam kelas tu sibuk cakap nak ngorat jugak. yang laki tersipu- sipu. adeh...

3) the same girl who wanted to 'ngorat' me said "teacher cantik hari ni sebab tu kitorang baik hari ni" after i complemented them for good behaviour. adeh, kalu aku serabai, sah tak belajar. (note: teacher yang serabai ni xlarat nk pakai cantik2 hari2)

4) a year 4 pupil (weak pupil) wrote a beautiful and cute teacher is teacher izyan after she learned adjectives. teacher dia kembang semangkuk (walaupun, lain yang diajar, lain yang dia tulis)

5) 2 pupils from year 4 who never knew how to use the dictionary can search the words among the fasts in class. i'm glad.

6) the kids who joined my extra class enjoyed it so much that they can't wait for weekends to come. sadly, this weekend, the teacher balik kampung.. hehe.. and the pupils kept on asking why teacher balik kampung kat Putrajaya..

there were many other spontaneous yet special moments that just popped in every time i felt down. somehow, they (the kids) make me stronger each day. thanks to someone who told me before every time i whined, "you will get stronger each day, it's just because of the kids"

...bukan semua cantik subjektif...

2011-04-13T13:01:00.000+08:00

a very interesting and thoughtful video to feed your brain

...because i take that one minute to read this...

2011-04-11T13:06:00.001+08:00

Aisyah benar-benar keliru dengan sikap kekasihnya. Siang, malam, mesejnya satu pun tidak berbalas. E-mailnya terus lengang seiring dengan waktu yg terus berlalu. Dia sangat tertekan waktu itu. Aisyah memerlukan seseorang untuk menjadi tempat luahan bicaranya, tempat mengadu segala keperitan, tempat berkongsi suka dan duka. Masih segar lagi diingatannya sewaktu dia dan Tariq bersama,kemana sahaja tentu mereka akan berdua. Setiap kali hujung minggu, sudah tentu panggung wayang akan menjadi destinasi utama mereka. Duduk berdua-duaan menjadi perkara yg amat dinantikan olehnya. Namun kini, semua itu hanya tinggal kenangan. Tariq bukan kekasih yg dikenalinya dulu, dia kini tidak lagi bersamanya untuk berkongsi suka dan duka. Janji-janji manis Tariq untuk bersama-sama membina istana berlandaskan syariat seakan-akan terkubur kini. “Kau jantan penipu! Kau pendusta! Aku benci kau!” hari demi hari, hati Aisyah makin kuat menjerit melepaskan kebencian, namun yg berkunjung hanyalah kerinduan terhadap seorang mahluk yg bernama lelaki itu. Sehinggalah pada suatu hari, Aisyah bertemu dengan seorang gadis di sebuah program motivasi. Pertemuan didalam sebuah majlis yg singkat itu tidak diduganya membuahkan sebuah persahabatan yg berkekalan. Gadis itu amat lembut pekertinya. Auratnya dijaga rapi dan tutur katanya diatur sempurna. Danisya, itulah nama yg diungkapkan gadis itu sewaktu Aisyah menghulur tangan tanda perkenalan. Mulanya Aisyah tidak tertarik untuk mendekati gadis itu, namun kepetahan dan kebijaksanaannya berbicara, akhirnya hati Aisyah tertarik untuk mengenalinya dengan lebih rapat. Sejak mengenali Danisya, Aisyah mula mendekati Islam sebenar-benarnya. Itu tidaklah bermakna Aisyah yg dahulu jauh daripada agama, namun kini dirasakannya perjalanan kehidupannya lebih terpelihara. Jika dahulu dia memakai tudung gaya moden yg menonjolkan dadanya, kini tudung itu menjadi bertambah labuh. Jika dahulu, T-shirt dan jeans menjadi pilihan pemakaian hariannya, kini jubahlah pula yg menjadi pembalut tubuh agar tidak menjadi bahan tatapan lelaki-lelaki berhidung belang. Hari demi hari, Aisyah seakan-akan mampu melupakan Tariq. Kini Danisyalah dunianya, segala masalah dikongsikan bersama. Kehadiran Danisya mampu menggantikan tempat Tariq. Yang anehnya, Danisya seolah-olah seperti Tariq versi wanita baginya. Saban hari, semakin ramai yg gemar untuk berdampingan dengan Aisyah. Dia amat bahagia kini kerana dikurniakan ramai sahabat yg ada untuknya meluahkan rasa suka dan duka. Ramai pemuda cuba untuk mendekatinya, namun Aisyah segera menolaknya kerana dia sedar, cinta kepada seorang lelaki mampu membunuhnya. Apa yg dinantikannya kini hanyalah CINTA kepada ilahi dan bukannya cinta sementara rekaan syaitan bertunjangkan hawa nafsu. Cinta selepas kahwin menjadi idamannya kini. Bila dan siapa orangnya, biarlah Allah sahaja yg menentukannya. Kini genaplah lima tahun pengajiannya di Institut Perguruan Kampus Gaya. Minggu hadapan, dia akan mula bercuti. Aisyah sudah mula sibuk mengemaskan barang-barang untuk pulang ke kampung halaman. Tiba-tiba Danisya datang mengirimkan sepucuk surat kepada Aisyah. Tanpa sebarang bicara, Danisya berlalu pergi. Perlahan-lahan, Aisyah membuka sampul surat berwarna biru itu. Hatinya berdebar-debar, kerana dia kenal benar dengan tulisan tangan disampul surat itu. Tulisan insan yg pernah membuat hidupnya sengsara dahulu. Assalamulaikum, Kehadapan Aisyah binti Abdul Halim, gadis yg selalu kusayangi sejak dahulu, kini dan InsyaAllah, untuk selama-lamanya. Maafkan diriku kerana telah lama menghilang tanpa sebarang berita. Aku pergi bukan kerana ingin meninggalkanmu tapi aku pergi kerana aku mahu mencari CINTA dariNya. Mungkin dahulu aku pernah membawamu kedunia penuh kelalaian. Atas desakan hawa nafsu, aku mengajakmu melanggar batas-batas syariat. Mujur, aku tersedar lalu kutinggalkan kamu sendirian merangkak dalam kepayahan. Aku turut berduka kerana kehilanganmu. Siang, malam, hari-hariku terasa perit tanpa adanya kamu. Mungkin kau tidak menyedari, aku sering memerhatikan kamu. Mesej-mesej pertanyaan khabar darimu sengaja kubiarkan tidak berbalas. Maafkan aku. Kuhadiahkan kamu adikkku, Danisya sebagai penggantiku, teman sewaktu kamu senang dan susah. Segala perkembangan tentang kamu, selalu kutanyakan kepada adikku. Kadang-kadang ada juga kau mengeluh tentangku, saat itu, aku terasa berat untuk menjauh darimu. Namun, aku perlu berbuat begitu, kerana aku perlukan masa untuk mengambilmu sebagai isteri. Ilmu agama perlu kuperdalami, ilmu dunia perlu kutuntut agar aku mampu mencari rezeki buat kita berdua. Kini sudah tiba masanya untuk ku sunting dirimu. Apa yg perlu kau tahu, saat kamu membaca surat ini, rombongan meminang telah pun kuhantar kerumahmu. Kuharap kau sudi untuk menerimaku sebagai suamimu. Sekian, wasalam. Yg Benar, Tariq. Aisyah terdiam seketika, hatinya berbunga. Dalam esakan tangisan dia tersenyum. Dia bahagia kini. Tidak disangka, insan yg dahulunya dianggap pengkhianat, penipu dan pembelot rupa-rupanya seorang kekasih yg sejati. Benarlah, begitu indahnya cinta andai ada CINTA kepada Allah Yang Maha Esa. Aisyah mula menyambung kembali tugasnya. Tidak sabar untuknya pulang menanti hari-hari bahagia apabila dia dan Tariq disatukan nanti. Indahnya hidup berlandaskan syariat, itulah kisah Tariq dan Aisyah, anda bagaimana? Hasil Nukilan : Jazulfadli Jamaludin

______________________________________________________________________________________________

what i say::::

not everyone's love stories end as sweet as this one...

berpijak ke bumi nyata

...sawang sana sawang sini...

2011-03-24T19:19:00.000+08:00

oh, adakah blog ni juga akan bakal terkubur? macam Liz Taylor (sape ntah dia ni, tbe2 ade orang announce r.i.p kat facebook tadi). biar kan cerita dia. tak penting untuk diceritakan dalam blog ni. i have no mood to write posts in this blog. okay, okay bukan nye tak de mood sangat tapi tak de modal nak cerita apa.. yelah, my life just lingers around school and home, xde aktiviti luar.. and i miss my old life~~style~~ BIG time.tapi alang- alang xde better things to do (just finished writing LP for tomorrow and a long thought of ABM), i decide to membebel a bit di sini... tapi in ponit form je lah ye...

1. got my first pay as gov servant today... yahooo, thank cik abang PT and Alhamdulillah, thank Allah... hehe

2. wonder why xde kejohanan jogging antara skolah... sebab senang sikit if i jadi trainer mereka.. ni tidak, tibe2 kne train budak2 main netball. teacher dia pun hampeh.. tapi tak pe... we have books.... let's read.. haha..

3. sangat enjoy jadi cikgu sampai tak tahu it's nearly two months.. cheh! yo- yo je.. bukannnye sampai 10 tahun pun.. tp still gembira sebab masih berjaya kawal kemarahan dan suara kuat... haha.. alhamdulillah kesabaran dah semakin tebal.. selamat lagi la budak2 selama hampir dua bulan ni... ~~esok tak tahu la~~..

4. itu je kot... sikit2 je la... esok2 citer lagi.

...KBS and SPBT...

2011-03-08T20:33:00.001+08:00

What a hectic yet enjoyable and worthwhile day!!! wah3, ayat start tak leh blah. (^_ ^) Today, my pupils had their first session of Kem Bestari Solat of this year. As planned before, I was not supposed to involve in this session but due to an emergency a teacher had, I terpaksa jadi bidan terjun, walhal i had already planned my activities for today. But, no worries, I was glad to accept the responsibility. Thanks to Allah I got 5 cheeky and active Year 1 boys pupils to teach and train them for ablution. Half of the day I was with them and they simply took my energy. owh, now i know it's not easy to be an ustaz or ustazah and teach young kids the basic of a Muslim. But, deep inside me, I'm glad they learnt some Islamic teaching from me formally (one of the things i long for). Thanks Allah for giving me the chance. Today, two of them were able to recite the intention (niat) for ablution (the other three already knew it). Bagus anak- anak teacher nih ~~walaupun sangat nakal juga~~.

new update on my job scope.... i'm an SPBT (Skim Pinjaman Buku Teks) manager now. manager sih, another word xleh blah. officially becoming one last week. and definitely i have piles of workload and yes, i own a special room at level 4, the one that i must beautify and turn it to an 'alive' room. a challenging one, but, it's okay. it's just a beginning. lets put the positive thinking ahead.

...Kisah Kuntum...

2011-02-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

right now, i'm broadcasting in front of TESCO, Malacca, still in my iswara baby. haha, sume tempat jadi tempat online dah sekarang. just done with my shopping. i bought a cupboard. alhamdulillah after 3 weeks of searching i found one exactly the same as i dreamt on. (nak beli almari pun siap bermimpi tau)

the workshop (refer the post below) was awesome. i enjoyed the session besides me being the youngest teacher who joined the workshop. my workshop mates were friendly and have years of experience in teaching. very very senior ones.. but, humble, they exactly are. they shared a lot of things and tips as we did our hands-on activities.

here are few pictures i would like to share..

the slide

in the midst.. buat2 rajin

our masterpiece

zoom in sikit

among others

cert giving ceremony

okay, have to pulang ke pangkal jalan now. before it's too late to pass through the scary place.

~TINTA~, see you when i see you...

Thanks Allah for the great weekend...

..update lagi...

2011-02-27T07:50:00.000+08:00

On Sunday 27/2/2011 at 7.36 am, i'm right now in front of straits meridian hotel, to be exact, in a car. (read, bukan dalam hotel ye!) waiting for the clock to turn it's number to 8.00 am. yeah, i know it's stupid to wait in a car instead of in a restaurant while having delicious breakfast. but, stupid you may call, i prefer to have my fast internet speed than makan- makan. (^_^) the speed at this spot is just awesome. bukak youtube pun kejap je buffer. how i miss the life of a student at places with fast internet speed. hehe. by the way, i also miss writing posts for this blog. yelah.. memang asyik miss je la, when it's time to write, then i have no ideas, cheh...

okay, why do i wait for 8.00 am in front of Straits Meridian Hotel neh? I have a workshop to attend at IPGM-Perempuan Melayu Melaka. A workshop of using KUNTUM (you know, the kids/primary school pupils' magazine) in the classroom. It's not compulsory, but I have nothing better to do on Sunday morning so, I volunteer. (tibe-tibe van kuntum lalu depan mata and it fetches two ladies in front of the hotel, adeh sempat lagi tu) hehehe..

okay, as quick as i can, since now is already 7.46 am and the Kuntum van just left the hotel's compound, below are my latest update about myself.

- now i only teach English at school, no more KH. at least for now. next year, xtau lah..
- i will not rent a house on my own, so for the time being, i'm living with the kind akak- akak.
- ergh, can't think this fast. will update later. sorry...

...my new life in my new place...

2011-02-12T08:51:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, finally i can go online again, after a week 'fasting' (fasting internet je). i am currently busy adapting with my new way of life, new routine, new crowd, every thing for me now is new.. a lot to say and record in this blog but i just don't know how and where to start... so, let it be in point form, so it's easier to say the gist..

1) i am now living with a family from Kelantan and they are very very very nice.. cook good and delicious things (there goes my dream to lost weight)

2) i have a car (kereta ehsan my family) but, it's enough to cope with my eagerness to visit places around

3) i get to teach my subject and also not-my-subject.. English Language for year 1, 2 & 4 and Living Skill for year 4. My school is just a small school with around 100-ish pupils and currently 19 teachers. and yes, only one class for each year.. average pupils in each class?? not more than 30 and my year 1 and 2 are below 20 pupils.. how good is that?? ~~ñgee~~ wide grin

4) ... and my year 4 pupils are very eager to see me more than once per day. they even asked me for extra classes in the evening during our first encounter.... ~~herk~~ and everyday they keep on bugging me with "teacher, bila kita nak buat kelas tambahan ni?" yeah!!! that's the spirit guys.... (even though the teacher kept on answering, "nanti I fikir" because right now i still have to complete few administrative works)

5) the ex-headmistress, during our meeting of her farewell party, was very glad that sk tebong got two teachers with English Language option. before this, she is the only one b.ed tesl teacher in the school. but, she's kind of disappointed for not to be able to collaborate with us. (me too, puan)

6) i know it's not important but i still want to write here, i'm the only woman teacher who writes 'single' in the marital status.. how sad is that? (i have no companion to go out with, except a teacher who is engaged and soon-to-get-married)

7) SK Tebong is 30 minutes away from Malacca Town, 15 minutes from Gemencheh, Negeri Sembilan and 30 minutes from Tampin, Negeri Sembilan.. and i do my shopping in N9. so, i'm two-timer.. Malacca cum N9... hehe

that's all i can tell in the meantime. will continue updating this blog as much as i have the time..

...A Lesson to Learn...

2011-02-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

no one knows how much i am hurt inside

so, lesson #1 ,

don't you ever assume what other people thinks,

if you want to know, ASK

because who knows they will be DEEEEEEEEPPPPLY hurt just with what you think they are......

...posting post V...

2011-01-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

cerita posting yang tak habis habis...

i called JPM for the second time. it was to reconfirm my school. kot salah dengar. because there is another school that nearly has the same sound. sk pegoh.. so, sk pegoh and tebong sound agak similar. pegoh, tebong, pegoh, tebong...hehe.. shockingly, i knew news yang kelakar amat. don't want to reveal the news though but it was so funny. ada salah faham about my status. but, dalam funny2 pun, scared jugak. yelah, it is related to my status kot. kalu status pun boleh tertukar2, apatah lagi benda2 lagi.. oh ye, status tu bukan status bujang, duda, janda whatsoever tu tau.. yang status tu dah betul dah (kot!!) this is status lain. =)

currently, i'm reluctant to leave k.krai.. sangat berat hati.. seriously, i'm having the same feeling when i was about to fly to Brisbane. i'll definitely miss ma and Idah (sebab selalu spend time with both of them), i'll miss my routine (masak breakfast to ma, abah and yo and sometimes, bekalkan nasi goreng.. macam mak mak kan? hehe) i'll miss fetching ma and yo at school everyday and lepak2 kat bilik ma talking to teachers around. i'll miss jadi driver to ayoh and mok su if they want to go to the bank.. ah, definitely i'll miss my leisure life in my own bubble. selesa kot, sume ada, kereta, makan minum ditanggung.. sapa xnak kan?

tp bila fikir balik, alasan2 rindu tu sebenarnya adalah sedikit, yang banyak nya ialah perasaan takut to go to a new place yang definitely far from the comfort zone, dan perlu bersusah payah, bina kehidupan baru. itu je alasannya.

to think positively, my school is still way better than any school if i were to be posted to sabah and sarawak. at least i don't have to naik belon to reach home. ya Allah, berikanlah kesabaran kepadaku, kuatkanlah hatiku untuk menerima takdirMu.

i can still remember my naqibah said to me when i was in Brisbane, lebih kurang macam ni.. tawakal, tawakal jugak, tapi jangan lupa untuk doa supaya Allah lapangkan dada kita bila mendapat keputusanNya nanti...

betul kan? kadang- kadang (frequently happen to me) kita cakap je kita tawakal dengan apa- apa ketentuan yang Allah berikan pada kita lepas kita dah meletakkan usaha secukupnya, tapi dalam tawakal tu, kita sebenarnya berharap Allah bagi kepada kita apa yang kita nak..

dan bila Allah bagi keputusan yang lain dengan apa yang nak, hati sangat susah nak terima dan redha..

jadi, dalam pada tawakal, kena ada konsep redha dan lapang dada dengan ketentuan Allah..

tazkirah untuk diri saya sendiri lebih- lebih lagi di masa sekarang..

...posting post IV...

2011-01-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

okay2.. since ramai orang yang tanya soalan ni and dah tak larat nak reply kat fb, let me make this clean & clear here...

is Malacca my choice??

Yes, Malacca is my choice (really really really want to be posted to Ayer Keroh, actually) but i didn't include it in my choices for posting. heh??? confuse ke? meaning, i wrote Selangor, Pahang and Kelantan in my borang posting... but, i got posted to Melaka... (bila sebut posted je, teringat dibalut di dalam sampul surat, diletakkan setem dan dimasukkan ke dalam peti pos.. lalu diposkan ke Melaka.. huish..)

remember this du'a?

'Dan berdoalah, "Ya Tuhanku, tempatkanlah aku pada tempat yang diberkahi, dan Engkau adalah sebaik-baik pemberi tempat." ' (Al-Mu'minun: 29)

dan mungkin ini adalah tempat yang terbaik untukku....

...posting post III...

2011-01-26T20:26:00.000+08:00

wow, dah posting post the third. ermm, adakah ini bakal yang terakhir???

alhamdulillah. finally it's confirmed. it's confirmed that i got the state that has been rumoured before.

bismillahhirrahmanirraheem.... dengan ini saya mengumumkan negeri pertama untuk saya berkhidmat ialah negeri

---

okay, i must say, i get the state i really want. but i never imagine that i will get daerah that i'm not familiar with. to be specific, the school is SK TEBONG, ALOR GAJAH. oh, i was hoping for Ayer Keroh, ~~supaya boleh tengok a'famosa hari2.~~ hehe.. (T_T) agak shocking i must say. may be it's because i forget that i CAN'T choose my school + district.. apa2 pun, Allah knows best.. (beriman dengan ayat 2:216!!)

thanks Allah, the school has a website.. so boleh la usha2 sekolah tu, the headmaster (eh, headmistress la) and the staff there. it is just a small school with 156 students and 16 teachers (EMIS, Jun 2010). memang satu darjah satu kelas je. and the most important thing, it is categorised as luar bandar.. few friends said, it's memang sekolah kampung. yang betul2 kampung..(hopefully, not remote lah)

so, how do i feel? am i okay with it? my answer, ok ke tak ok, i have to, right? it's not that if i'm not okay, i can easily change to the school i want.. kalau i anak menteri boleh la kot.. =)

i have to take this as a challenge walaupun dalam hati sangat lah terasa takut nya. because i would have to start everything anew. build rapport, find new friends (yang boleh tumpangkan kereta.. hehe) and bla bla bla....

and, yes... here you go.. sume orang dah puas hati knowing my next destination?? (dah tak de idea nk tulis ape)

p/s: holiday kat melaka last year seems like a foreshadow for me now...

...the chosen one...

2011-01-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

Entry ini bukan tentang the chosen state for my posting. harap maklum!! (^^,)

This is the sweetest music video i have ever seen (walaupun dah lama diterbitkan). congrates to Maher Zain and the production crew for producing such a good video. this will be a good influence/model for the youngsters nowadays if they want to see living (motion) proof of how Rasulullah S.A.W lived his life. Maher Zain (and the crew of course) have put great efforts to make sure sunnah of Rasulullah S.A.W alive in this video. it looks easy right? to live life in harmony. memang pun, buat baik is easier than buat jahat because it is human nature (fitrah).

p/s: i like the running part. sweet duh! alah, of course the other part also. hehehe..

...tulis menulis...

2011-01-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

okay, dah bosan asyik updates pasal posting je. lets write (and read) something other than posting. petang tadi, sempat lepak- lepak with my dad, teman dia makan nasi petang. so, our conversations continued from the kitchen to the living room. shockingly, he advised me to keep a journal, or diary about my life. he said, when you grow older and you can hardly remember a.k.a nyanyuk, you would want to refresh your memories on your previous life (sekarang pun dah selalu lupa.. kena makan kismis bnyak2 ni..). and he even reveal me his journal that he has started writing. cool ay! even though the journal is about his journey when he went to Sarawak few months back, that was interesting. i mean real interesting when he wrote everything in details. siap dengan masa.. even nak tido awal pun tulis juga. tapi xde la sampai mandi pun tulis pukul brapa. i definitely smiled throughout the reading session. sangat best.. tiba- tiba rasa semangat to write everything in this blog. every details that happen in my life so that later, not only me, but my future children, grandchildren (and the list goes on) pun boleh baca. i still can remember when i read an entry in Saifulislam.com that he is writing for his future generations. sebab nya, dia belajar from his experience of not knowing his dad in greater details (sebab ayah beliau lebih disayangi oleh Allah S.W.T) Click here to read the entry (^_^)

dan ada juga a few persons who i know virtually are writing a blog dedicated to their children. sangat sweet. they write every single experiences everyday. apa yang mereka go through besarkan anak- anak mereka. all the sweetness, difficulties, trials and i bet when their children grow up, they will appreciate their parents more for they know how hard the life of the parents are when they are small.

boleh ke blog ni dibuat macam tu juga ye? hehe, i'm doing it.. even though agak malu when people read it. i'm not someone who is good in writing since my language is not poetic and my mind is not well- spoken. but hey, it's better than i have nothing. namanya pun blog personal. i force no one to read what i have written. its for me and currently for my family members to read it. but, it would be better if i can infuse moral values and Islamic teachings in my writing which so far i have tried very hard to do it. =) people often said, practice make perfect, right? so that, not only me but the others can take ibrah from here. thus, it's not just pure rumblings (like what i have written in some entries before ~~ngee~~)

sambung balik cerita with my dad. he encouraged me to be 'blogger berjaya' after i revealed that i now have my ~TINTA~ . blogger berjaya tu blogger yang make money with his/her blog. hehe. yang tambah2 nuffnang tu. adeh.. sakit jugak kalau nak buat tu. mungkin lambat lagi la capai taraf tu. i don't like to commercialize (eceh, betul ke guna word tu?) my personal stories even though i enjoy reading what those people write (tiba- tiba teringat lagu Ramli Sarip, Aku Menulis Bukan Kerna Nama, hish). rasa cepat gabra when i know someone reads my stories. so, pembaca sekalian, jadi silent readers je la ye? (macam la ramai sangat yang baca) hehe.. then, i made it clear to my dad, mungkin tidak.. at least for now, tapi who knows in future when i have better missions, interesting stories, clearer minds and better language to stand out as blogger tegar, i will go for it, inshaAllah (ye ke? lepas ni dah jadi cikgu, pasti ke ada masa nak update2 blog macam sekarang?).. hehe..

so, that's my story a.k.a another rumblings for today. and to conclude, deep inside my heart, i enjoy all the time with abah when he shares his experiences in life masa abah mengarut pun i like jugak ~wink~ and i miss it every time i am far from home (in case abah reads this blog someday.. hehe)

hish, cmne nk jadi blogger tegar ni? structure pun huru- hara. kalau essay, fail dah ni..

...posting post II...

2011-01-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

meriah betul facebook hari ni.. meriah dengan post2 yang menyatakan kegembiraan (dan alhamdulillah, hanya sedikit kesedihan). most of us are very happy with where they are going to be posted. dari pagi tadi sampai sekarang tak putus, new updates. cool nye! dah lama xrasa meriah sebegini di facebook.

few shocking results juga. two of my closest friends got posted to Kelantan even though they don't ask for it and dua2 pun married. hish, kata kelantan penuh cikgu la.. xnak trima cikgu baru la.. adeh la, boleh x jangan menipu masa bertugas? huhu.. but so far only two persons got Kelantan for primary school. and right now, right in this moment, only few of primary school teachers don't know their luck.

congrates to those yang dah tau posting kat mana.. definitely, i'm happy for you guys sebab dah boleh tido dengan lena, makan dengan kenyang dan mandi sampai basah.. (^_^)

dan i'm updating again about my posting. sayangnya, berita yang digembar- gembur boleh check online today is for SECONDARY school only. huhu.. putus harapan. seb baik semalam dapat tido.

menunggu kepatusan yang official pun nerve- wracking jugak tau. walaupun sebenarnya dah tau where i'm posted. tapi, memang, i don't easily trust news (ye ke news? tahap rumurs je la kot) yes, rumours macam tu.

so apa lagi, sempat lagi ni nak menaruh harapan walaupun tipis.. hehe... keep on smiling.. smiling.. smiling...

p/s: dah start cuak kalau betul2 dapat tempat yang diberitahu before....

...posting post...

2011-01-19T18:47:00.001+08:00

Some (a very small portion) of my course mates already know through phone calls and letters where they are going to be posted today... it includes me, except the phone calls and letters part. but, i still want to keep it secret because it is still unofficial. i mean, i knew it yesterday (18/1/2011) from my dad who has a friend and the friend has a friend (pening- pening) somewhere in KPM. so, the news i got is still unofficial and can't be 100% trusted (at least for me) + it may be a mistake.

if anyone needs some info about the posting, this is the latest news i got from my friend. She said, you can check www.moe.gov.my starting next monday 24/1/2011. so apalagi, bangun awal2, buka laptop, check posting kat mana. (and i really hope, kali ni biarlah berita ini betul, no more rumours. tak larat dah nak kecewa bila click on the website)

thus, inshaAllah, i will disclose the state i get this monday...

...recent updates...

2011-01-17T19:22:00.002+08:00

It has been quite some time, right? 11 days without any entries, not bad. i still can restrain myself from writing despite of plenty of free time. hehe. but i do miss to blabber here. by the way, let's start with recent updates about myself.

1. just came back from dusun eco for Jalinan 2011. and alhamdulillah wa syukurillah, i am glad, i could see lots of familiar faces there.. aside from 'charging' the iman. seronok that i don't have words suitable to describe the feelings. really grateful for Allah still choosing to be among these great people and i believe, i am stronger and more confident on the 'path' i have chosen last 2 years.

2. posting ~~ the most annoying thing to be thought of. but i just can't take it out of my mind. the super duper latest news is the posting for primary school will be made known in february. okay, i have another month of 'not teaching moments'. ada sapa2 nak offer saya kerja???

3. currently being a very successful house ~~wife~~ helper . masak, kemas rumah, drive, beli barang dapur. but, i'm glad, at least i have things to do. to my surprise, bukan nya best pun duduk rumah. patut la one of my aunties who is a housewife, sibuk-sibuk nak cari kerja, in which dulu i really wish, i can be one, so tak yah susah2 and penat2 macam jadi cikgu. tapi actually, letihnya macam orang kerja juga. wake up in the morning and still have to sleep late at night. (tapi dapat extra nap in the afternoon, hehe) to think on the brighter side, this is the only time i can help my parents doing household chores, who knows in future, i don't have time to look after the house at all. this is the time to make up times that i missed when i left for Australia. (^_^)

4. happy birthday to ma, idah and cik aya.. they are the january ~~babies~~ oldies in my family. and not to forget, Abe... (^_^) may Allah bless you and your life. alhamdulillah, this year, Allah granted me the chance to celebrate their birthdays which i haven't done for 6 years.

5. and lastly, i HATE SMOKERS (ni off the updates lah). haha, tiba- tiba pulak. it's not that sudden la actually. last night i was at Hentian Putra waiting for the bus. tension super and i really really felt like crying sebab udara tak segar. right left everywhere, bau asap rokok je. please la smokers, Allah dah ciptakan kita, manusia dengan sebaik- baik ciptaan, why on earth you transgress the title that Allah, the Creator himself has given us? guys, especially, by smoking, you definitely are not impressing us, women (diseru kepada lelaki miang yang nk ngorat by hembus asap rokok kuat- kuat). makin benci ada lah.. nak tegur sorang2 yg hisap rokok kat situ melampau la pulak kan? yelah, it's human right. by the way, we, the non- smokers ada lagi tinggi right tau. you guys hisap rokok tu, membahayakan kesihatan non- smokers jugak. please, love yourself and people around you. love the times that Allah has given you. Allah bagi umur panjang so that we can keep on being loyal slaves and khalifah. ni umur Allah bagi dah la tak berapa nak panjang (umat nabi muhammad ni, xde la hidup sampai 1000 tahun kan? 100 tahun pun 2,3 orang je) so, why do you guys keep on berusaha nak 'pendek'kan lagi usia tu? dah banyak buat amal kebajikan ye? i'm sorry to the smokers yang mungkin tiba- tiba stumble upon this blog and happen to read this, but, i don't have any other means to say that you guys.

okay, dah habis recent updates.

...Rindu-rinduan...

2011-01-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

For the first time after my grand dad got married (again), i spent my daytime at his. honestly i feel weird at ~~home~~ the house in which i, myself grew up. the treat is different. yeah, it is because the 'housewife' is obviously different. it's weird when i have a grand ma who is younger than my mom, who treats me like a guest in my own house, who talked about guys freely, who keep on bugging me with questions about my relationship with guys. oh, it's really weird. i guess i have to be more open and adapt myself to the situation so that i can get along with this new grand ma. but one thing for sure, i miss Mek so much... i miss her cooking, i miss kissing and hugging her freely, i miss bothering her with my childish questions, i miss listening to her telling stories about our family history... really, i do miss her... adik2ku sayang, do you guys miss her too??? (please say YES!!!)

arwah mek - aidilfitri 2009-

miss her real bad. (T_T)

May Allah forgive all of her sins and put her among the believers.. Ameen ya Rabb

...today & _____ ....

2011-01-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Hari ini dan peringatan.......

"Dan janganlah kamu iri hati terhadap karunia yang telah dilebihkan Allah kepada sebahagian kamu atas sebahagian yang lain. (karena) bagi laki-laki ada bagian dari apa yang mereka usahakan dan bagi perempuan (pun) ada bagian dari apa yang mereka usahakan. Mohonlah kepada Allah sebagian dari kurniaNya. Sungguh, Allah Maha Mengetahui segala sesuatu" (An- Nisa' 4:32)

...sebuah kisah kehidupan...

2011-01-04T23:03:00.000+08:00

taken from facebook.

Saya bertanya kepada emak,

“mana satu pilihan hati, orang yang sayangkan kita atau yang kita sayang? ”

Mak jawab, “dua-dua bukan..”

Saya tercengang..Mak mengukir senyuman.

“Pilihan hati mak adalah yang sayangkan kita kerana Allah..” Saya menarik nafas dalam-dalam.

“Macam mana nak tau orang tu sayang kita kerana apa?” Mak diam sekejap berfikir dan kemudian tersenyum.

Rasanya mak dapat menduga apa yang sedang bermain dalam hati anak perempuannya. Mana mungkin saya mampu menyorokkan rahsia hati dari mak sedangkan sekilas saya pun mak mampu membacanya.

“Yang paling tahu hanya Allah..” mak merenung dalam-dalam wajah anaknya. “Kerana hanya Allah mampu membaca hati hambaNya.. ” mak menyusun ayat-ayatnya.

“Dan keikhlasan kerana Allah itu akan terserlah keberkatannya tanpa perlu sengaja ditonjolkan oleh seseorang tu..”

Saya memintas, “Tak faham..”

Mak menyambung “Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah..”

Mak menyambung lagi, “…begini, setiap insan yang bergelar manusia telah Allah ciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Rasa ingin dikasihi antara seorang suami dan isteri suatu fitrah. Automatik boleh ada daya tarikan magnet tu..”

Wajah saya merah, sedikit cemas jika mak dapat mengesan gelora jiwa muda ini.. Mak menyambung,

“Setiap manusia telah Allah tetapkan rezeki,jodoh dan maut sejak azali lagi..Persoalannya ialah.. Siapakah jodohnya itu?” mak berhenti seketika. Saya tunduk malu, cuba menyorokkan rasa panas di pipi. Emak buat-buat tidak nampak.

Secret Admire

“Kakak, mak dulu masa besar ada secret admire.. Rajin betul dia hantar surat..Masa tu mak dah tahu yang bercinta sebelum kahwin ni tak halal..Dan masa tu mak tekad tak mahu layan sebab mak takut arwah tokwan kena seksa dalam kubur.. Mak sedar mak anak yatim, anak orang miskin, adik beradik ramai.. Mak nak belajar sungguh-sungguh.. Lama budak tu tunggu mak.. Akhirnya mak bagi kata putus, mak hanya akan membalas cinta dia jika dia sah suami mak.. Dan dia memang bukan jodoh mak, maka tak pernah dia menerima balasan cinta tu.” Mak merenung jauh. Saya merapatkan badan kepada emak, semakin berminat dengan kisah lama mak..

“Mak memang tak ada perasaan langsung pada dia ke?” saya menyoal sambil memandang tajam wajah mak.

Emak ketawa kecil. “Walaupun mungkin ada, mak tak pernah bagi peluang pada diri mak untuk mengisytiharkan perasaan tu.. Mak takut pada Allah. Mak bukan seperti rakan sebaya mak yang lain.. Mak, seperti kakak..” mak memandang saya sambil memegang pipi dan dagu saya. Kemudian tangannya mengusap rambut di kepala saya.

“Mak anak ustaz ustazah.. Tapi zaman tu ustaz ustazah nya masih berkebaya pendek dan ketat. Tok wan mak, kiyai. Mungkin berkat doa keturunan sebelum ni yang soleh-soleh, hati mak tertarik sangat pada agama walaupun tiada sesiapa yang mendorong.. Bila di sekolah, mak pelajar pertama yang bertudung.. Mak membawa imej agama. Kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu panggil mak dengan gelaran mak Aji.. Sebab zaman tu hujung 70an dan awal 80an tak ramai lagi yang bertudung betul menutup auratnya..Zaman tudung nipis dan nampak jambul. Kemudian kawan-kawan mak sikit-sikit ikut bertudung. Akhirnya kami semua dipanggil di perhimpunan. Kami dimarah guru besar kerana bertudung sedangkan ustazah kami bertudung tapi nampak jambulnya..” emak melemparkan pandangan ke lantai.

“Selepas tu ustazah jumpa kami secara persendirian. Ustazah kata dia tak mampu nak pakai seperti kami. Dia suruh kami teruskan..” sambung emak. Ada getar di hujung suara emak.

Kisah silam perjuangan emak di sekolah dahulu sikit-sikit emak ceritakan pada saya. Itulah juga salah satu inspirasi kepada saya untuk bangkit semula setiap kali terjatuh ketika berjuang di sekolah dulu.

“Mungkin kerana personaliti mak, mak menjadi tempat rujukan kawan-kawan mak.. Jadi, bila mak nak ambil sesuatu tindakan, mak kena fikir betul-betul sama ada tindakan mak tu akan menyebabkan Allah marah atau tidak. Mak ayah berdosa tak? Dan maruah pembawa agama terjejas tak? Kalau mak membalas cinta si lelaki tadi, bermakna mak sedang menconteng arang di muka-muka pembawa-pembawa agama.

Orang akan pandang serong terhadap orang yang bertudung sedangkan kesilapan tu hanya seorang dua yang buat. Besar fitnah akan timbul apabila orang-orang agama mengambil ringan batas syariat duhai anak..” mak menelan air liurnya. Saya diam. Fikiran saya sedang cuba memahami maksud mak saya.

Adakah ia suatu diskriminasi?

“Kakak.. Jatuh cinta perkara biasa. Apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, itu tandanya ada sesuatu keistimewaan pada seseorang tu. Apatah lagi orang yang kita jatuh cinta tu di atas jalan dakwah ni..Tetapi kita kena ingat.. Kita tak akan dikahwinkan dengan seseorang atas sebab jatuh cinta atau saling cinta mencintai.. Bercouple mungkin.. Tetapi bukan berkahwin.. Kerana kita berkahwin dengan jodoh kita, jodoh yang Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali.. Dan tak mustahil orang yang kita paling benci itulah jodoh kita yang kita akan dikahwinkan dengannya..”

Tiba-tiba air mata saya mengalir. Argh! Ego saya kalah bila mendengar hujah emak. Emak meneruskan,

“Allah itu Maha Adil.. Dia tak pernah menzalimi hambaNya..Sesungguhnya, yang selalu menzalimi hambaNya ialah diri hamba tu sendiri.. Sebabnya hamba tu degil. Dia mahukan yang bukan haknya, yang bukan milik dia. Mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya memilikinya.

Dalam Islam, kita dah diajar untuk saling mencintai antara satu sama lain seperti diri sendiri.. Jadi apabila kita mencintai saudara perempuan, kita bebas peluk dia. Tetapi bila dengan lelaki, kita ada batas-batasnya. Orang kafir kata batas-batas ini suatu diskriminasi, tetapi sebenarnya batas-batas syariat itulah yang memelihara kehormatan seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan.

Cuba kakak renungkan, kita mengenali seorang insan yang amat baik, sempurna agamanya dan rajin. Lalu kita jatuh hati padanya. Ditakdirkan jodohnya dengan insan lain, kita pula dengan yang lain.. Tetapi itu tidak bermakna ukhwah antara kita dan dia terputus.. Kita dan dia sama-sama mencari redha Allah.. Kita dan dia masih boleh sama-sama bekerjasama untuk mencari redha Allah.. Perbezaannya, dia halal untuk isterinya sedangkan untuk kita, dia tetap lelaki ajnabi seperti yang awalnya.” emak berhenti seketika..

Bukan luar biasa

Tentu kering tekak emak menerangkan kepada saya persoalan hati ini. “Kakak.. jadi di sini mak nak kakak faham, jatuh cinta bukan perkara luar biasa.Dan berkahwin pun bukan suatu jaminan untuk tak jatuh cinta pada lelaki lain.. Kerana itulah ramai isteri yang curang, suami yang curang.. Ada orang tukar pasangan macam tukar baju.

Apa yang penting ialah kita kena perjelaskan pada diri kita supaya setiap kali kita jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta itu kerana kita jatuh cinta kepada Pencipta dia. Kita bagi tau pada diri kita berulang kali yang kita mencintai Allah, kerana itu kita mencintai si dia. Letakkan Allah sebagai sempadan hati kita, segala perkara yang kita cintai dan sayangi termasuk mak abah adalah kerana mencintai Allah.. Dan apabila kita membenci seseorang atau sesuatu, beritahu pada diri sendiri berulangkali yang kita benci sekian-sekian hal kerana Allah semata-mata.. ”

“Kakak.. Hati kita ni walaupun dalam dada kita sendiri, ia tetap bukan milik kita. Kita tak mampu untuk mengawalnya.. Hanya Allah yang boleh memegangnya.. Sebab tu kita kena dekatkan diri dengan Allah.. Sebab kita nak dia pegang kukuh-kukuh hati kita. Bila dia pelihara dan masuk dalam hati kita, itulah nikmat lazatnya bercinta. Masa tu biarpun satu dunia menyakiti kita, kita tak rasa sakit sebab kita asyik dengan nikmat bercinta dengan Allah..

Bercinta dengan Allah sangat berbeza dari bercinta dengan manusia. Kerana tentulah pegalaman bercinta dengan lelaki kaya,rupawan, sempurna dan bijaksana tak sama rasanya bercinta dengan lelaki miskin, hodoh,cacat dan dungu.. Betapa nikmatnya cinta Allah, hanya mereka yang pernah merasai sahaja yang mampu mengerti. ”

Redha

“Kakak.. Walau siapapun jodoh yang Allah hantarkan untuk kakak, terimalah dengan hati yang redha.. Tak mustahil dia adalah orang yang kita benci. Kalau yang kakak sayang, tak jadi hal lah..

Tapi kalau dapat yang kakak tak nak, lantaran kelemahan yang ada pada dia, ingatlah bahawa dalam diri setiap insan telah Allah ciptakan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Dan mungkin kakak ada kekuatan yang dapat mengubah si lelaki tadi supaya hidup dia bermakna dan mungkin kakak sahaja yang mampu mencungkil kelebihan yang ada pada dia.. Mungkin juga si lelaki ini ada sesuatu kelebihan yang kakak sangat-sangat perlukan yang satu dunia tak mampu bagi pada kakak.. Alangkah bertuahnya kakak kalau kakak mengerti setiap pemberian Allah dan belajar untuk bersyukur.. ”

Sekali lagi berjuraian air mata saya turun. Terasa lemah lutut hendak berdiri.

Emak menarik tubuh saya dan memeluk erat. Pelukan emak sangat-sangat kuat. “Emak dah didik anak emak dari belum lahir untuk mencintai Allah.. Sekarang emak serahkan anak emak yang mak sayang sangat ni pada Allah untuk Dia pelihara..”

Emak mengakhiri kata-katanya dengan suara sebak dan air mata yang mengalir ke bahu saya.

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this story somehow answers more than half of my questions.

...kata mereka vs kata aku...

2011-01-04T02:07:00.000+08:00

Apabila hati telah berkarat, jiwa menjadi keruh dan semangat kian pudar, maka kisah-kisah yang meniupkan semangat, kata-kata kiasan dan madah atau syair yang tersusun indah yang terkandung di dalam kajian-kajian ini adalah sebaik-baik rawatan secara halus. Ia mengandungi pengilapan, pelembutan, pembersihan dan nyalaan api.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Kata mereka:

Kebahagiaan terletak pada sikap berdiam diri, pada malu dan kebekuan
Pada hidup bersama famili, dan bukannya hidup orang berhijrah dan terusir
Pada berjalan di belakang kenderaan, mewah dan dengan langkah yang longlai
Pada ikut sahaja apa yang orang katakan, tanpa tentangan dan konfrontasi
Pada ikut sahaja ke mana rombongan bergerak, kamu dipimpin, bukan memimpin
Pada hanya bersorak untuk setiap pemerintah: Hidup kamu…. Selama-lamanya.

Aku pula berkata:

Hidup ini adalah gerakan, bukan diam dan bukannya beku
Hidup adalah jihad, Akan berjuangkah orang yang hanya duduk berpeluk tubuh?
Hidup adalah menikmati lazatnya susah, bukan bersedap-sedap dengan tidur.
Ia adalah membela hak, merdekakah orang yang tidak membela haknya?
Hidup ialah adalah kamu merasa kehinaan itu laksana air nanah.
Hidup ialah kamu hidup sebagai khalifah di bumi, tugas kamu memimpin
Kami boleh berkata ‘NO’ dan ‘YES’, apabila kamu mahu
dengan pandangan yang tajam.”

(Yusuf al-Qardhawi)

__________________________________________________________________________________

saat jiwa semakin goyah, hampir tenggelam dengan dunia, mujurlah ada Dia

...those on the same boat...

2011-01-02T00:45:00.002+08:00

entry yang sebenarnya macam memerahkan muka sendiri, tapi xpelah. for the sake of sharing...

Okay, ada orang 'ter'suggest buku ni kat saya. erm, xtahu nak comment apa tapi niat dia baik. so i guess, i should put this book in my wishlist for 2011 nih. =) kalau ada readers blog ni yang on the same boat, mungkin boleh jugak baca buku ni. haven't read it though and don't know what's written inside.. kalau saya dah baca nanti, inshaAllah i'll do the book review (itu pun kalau la sempat membeli dan menghabiskannya) dan actually banyak buku tengah beratur untuk dibaca including men are from mars, women are from venus.. start baca dari last year tapi xhabis2 lagi. al-maklumlah, sangat susah nak istiqamah with just a book.. suka baca lompat2 lepas tu, bila nak share ngan orang lain, mula lah gelabah tak tahu quote dari buku mana..

okay, terpanjang pula.. here is the book..

i did google some review for this book, and this is what i found...

"Half way reading it..but quite interesting to know that this kind of book ever exist! Serious contents tapi diselitkan dengan unsur humour...yang berilmu of course!

Suitable to motivate yang masih 'single' *but available / not available..hihi. This book provides some useful tips untuk mereka2 *& keluarga mereka yang masih single dalam menghadapi dilema kehidupan single and not to forget petikan kisah kehidupan serta pendapat ulama tentang cara menghadapi hidup sendiri."

petikan from this blog (tuan punya blog, kalau terbaca ni, ampun ek? tumpang copy paste)

berminat? ramai- ramai la pergi serbu kedai buku berdekatan. ~~~~ngeee~~~~

and one more thing, let me share something that i got from a sahabiah few days ago (mesti nak kena selitkan juga, lepas ni tak tahu dah nak selitkan kat entry mana lagi)

Org yg rase nak kawen ni cam org yg rasa lapar...dia kena usaha masak..ada org masak sekejap dah dapat makan..ada org tak tau masak, nak kena belajar masak lama baru dapat makan..ada org pandai masak..tapi takde rezeki..tak dapat makan juga.

(orang yang bagitahu ni mesti tengah senyum.. akhirnya ada juga entry yang selitkan analogi ni.. kikiki.

p/s: saya mmg trus copy paste, xubah2 dah ayat awak bagi tu)

P/S : awal2 entry 2011 ialah tentang ini.. apakah maksudnya?? adeh, husnuzhon husnuzhon...

...1431H/2010 review...

2010-12-31T23:28:00.003+08:00

Warning : this post is going to be very very very long. and personal too..

semua orang dah sibuk2 melaung- laungkan, mengucapkan selamat tahun baru 2011. radio, kawan2, semua lah.. al- maklum lah, hari ni kan hari terakhir 2010. but for me, my new year has long passed. i mean, as muslim, i follow the new year based on the islamic calendar. (^_^). but unfortunately, masa new year hijrah that day, i didn't have time to do the review of my tahun 1431H. can i make them up today? because i sort of have the time and guts to finish a post for today. hehe.. for me 1430H ni meninggalkan ~~seribu satu~~ kenangan yang if i were to reflect back, ianya sangan menguji keimanan. banyak benda yang berlaku dan yang sebenarnya, ia salah satu cara untuk Allah memastikan jalan mana yang aku pilih. remember? surah as-syams

maka Dia mengilhamkan jalan kejahatan dan ketakwaan, sungguh beruntung orang yang menyucikan jiwa itu dan sungguh rugi orang yang mengotorinya (as-syams: 8-10)

if you are one of my friends, you should know that last year 1431H/2010 was my first year of living in Malaysia as someone who has different lens and fikrah of islam. but i somehow shaken by the islamic view shown by the malaysians and even closer (and the most powerful), my family. all the things/knowledge that i gained when i was in Australia were put into practice. setiap dugaan yang menimpa membuatkan aku sangat banyak berfikir dan reflect balik dengan apa yang telah aku ketahui. dan memang benar, hidup yang menentang arus ini sangat sangat dan sangat lah susah. at times i win the games but most of the times, i lose. but i'm glad, jika aku 'ingin' dan hampir terpesong, ada saja cara Allah buat yang membuatkan aku masih kembali ke jalan yang aku pilih 3 tahun lepas. Alhamdulillah.

tapi, to tell the truth, i love my life in australia... dan sangat2 rindukannya. pelikkan? kalau orang yang tidak pernah ke luar negara dan mendapat kefahaman tentang islam di sana, mungkin tidak faham perasaan ini. i am not trying to be proud or what, tapi this is truly what i feel in my bone. sangat rindu biah di sana.. sangat rindukan akhawat di sana. tetapi it doesn't mean i hate living in malaysia.. alhamdulillah Allah bagi kemudahan di sini untuk aku melapangkan dada dan menerima setiap kerenah sahabiah2 di sini dan juga 'masuk' dengan cara bekerja di sini.

tahun lepas juga, aku kehilangan someone that i truly love, Mek.. she left us for Allah.. semoga Allah menempatkannya di sisi para mukminin. dan disebabkan kehilangannya, banyak benda baru berlaku dalam keluarga aku. for the first time, raya aidilfitri sangat hambar, for the first time, kat rumah tidak buat korban.. for the first time, aku betul2 terlibat dengan urusan-urusan perkahwinan (my grand dad's second wedding) dari urusan merisik hingga ke hantaran perkahwinan, cuma xsempat jadi jurugambar je lagi. setiap dari peristiwa ini sangat mengganggu jiwa aku. alhamdulillah, Allah masih beri kekuatan walaupun, pada satu peringkat, aku rasa ingin memberontak..other than Mek, Long (orang yang mengasuhku dari kecil hingga besar) also left us. beberapa bulan selepas Mek passed away. =(

apa2 pun, everything happens for the good reasons.. Allah knows best..

as for the program, tahun ni i involved in 2 program yang agak besar, english camp di Rembau dan JIRIM2. masa ni sangat banyak kesilapan yang aku pelajari dan tak kurang juga banyak kelemahan yang perlu diperbaiki. i know myself better after those programs especially in dealing with guys. ergh.. i'm so bad with guys.. seriously and i guess i should learn more how to deal with them without menimbulkan apa2 fitnah. next program kena improve... it's a must...

study wise. alhamdulillah dah berjaya grad TESL.. now i'm waiting for the posting. ntah bila la dapat tau nye. for the time being, i killed my time doing sisa-sisa kerja untuk jirim and some preparations for jalinan. Alhamdulillah Allah takdirkan beberapa kerja even though tak termasuk dalam skop kerja dulu. so, there's no more reasons to waste my time doing other things. tapi sedih bila habis keje2 ni, dah xde benda nak buat.hmm, kena fikir keje lain pula nak buat ni. to speak the truth, i don't like living without doing nothing. sangat3 la xterurusnya hidup. that's why i hate excessive holidays. kalau boleh nak cuti sekejap2 je. sebab, masa lapang is my enemy. big time enemy.. suka hidup busy masa belajar dulu. at least, i don't have time to think things yang i shouldn't think of. kalau banyak sangat masa lapang ni, mula setan2 sebok2 nak menyimpitkan otak ni dengan kisah- kisah masa lalu. hish, that's what i hate most. dan memang benar,

Demi Masa! Sesungguhnya manusia itu dalam kerugian - Kecuali orang-orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh, dan mereka pula berpesan-pesan dengan kebenaran serta berpesan-pesan dengan sabar. (al-asr:1-3)

kalau tak beriman, xberamal soleh, tak berpesan2 dengan kebenaran dan kesabaran, memang sungguh rugi lah hidup ini..

dan kalau sesiapa yang perasan, post2 saya for last year, banyak yang sempoi dan ntah apa2. kalau tengok dekat tag tu, banyak yang rumblings. saya banyak luahkan apa saya rasa dalam blog ini sebab, i feel at times, writing can give me more pleasure compared to talking to someone. at least, kalau tulis, i can read it next time. no wonder la orang suka tulis kisah peribadi dalam blog ek.. hehe. but i'm not someone who like to share my stories publicly. cuma certain times, when i feel like doing so, baru akan tulis.

hmm, sungguh panjang post kali ni. post terakhir untuk tahun 2010, if you want to say so. tapi tak tulis lagi semua yang berlaku, tu hanya sedikit dan antara yang paling banyak memberi kesan dalam hidup saya pada tahun ni.

well, now is the new year 1432H and few minutes to 2011.. tak tahu what Allah has prepared for me for this year. tak tahu juga mungkin tak sempat pun untuk bernafas lama pada tahun ini. dan tak tahu juga nafas siapa yang akan terhenti pada tahun ini. apa2 pun i hope to cherish my life and i really hope tahun 1432H and 2011 is far better than 1431H/2010. i have something i want to do this year, and hope this plan is the same as what Allah has planned for me. kalau xsama pun, i know, Allah has planned something better to me.. 1432H/2011, semoga aku lebih tabah, semoga aku lebih tsabat, semoga aku lebih yakin dengan jalan yang dipilih.