i have been thinking a lot about my future right now. i'm not sure why, but things around me always trigger my brain into that. it might be because i am finishing my degree years or it might also be the áge' factor. i'm twenty-plus-plus years old right now, it's impossible if i don't think of my future, right?
there's a lot of aspects that i have been thinking of. family, career, personal life, tarbiyyah, etc etc etc. what my life will look life next year? am i going to stay with my family, or being posted far from home? future, we never knows. it is Allah's secret. i know it but of course i want to plan my own future and drive to where i want it to be.
years back (and may be until now) i was (am) future freak. i never set my own path. going overseas is not my dream, being an English teacher is also not part of my childhood dream. but Allah has set it that way.
What i have right now, what i have gone through until this second, are not what i had in mind back then.
i'm so jealous with those who can drive their own life, make decisions, strive towards something they really want. because i barely do it in my life. sometimes, i think that i'm a late bloomer, i understand something a bit late from others. i got something far behind from others.
i'm indeed grateful with what i have now. my life, my family (except of few little things) but i am hardly satisfied with it. i feel that i got all of them without any hardships. i barely had painful scenes throughout my life compared to my other good friends. Allah knows that i'm weak so He sets everything smoothly.
what i think right now about my future may not turn out at i want it to be. i know that. somehow, i think, is there a need for me to really think and plan over it if we can foresee it might not turn the way it should be?
ah it's so random. i also don't know what i ramble here. since, i want to write something here, there it is a really unorganized one. but at least it reflects the situation that i am in now. my mind is not in a crystal clear state.